


La Gare du Nord

by carolinecrane



Category: Deadliest Catch RPF
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2010-09-30
Updated: 2010-09-30
Packaged: 2017-10-12 07:58:06
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 36,946
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/122657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/carolinecrane/pseuds/carolinecrane
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Josh came back to work for his father because fishing is in his blood. All he wanted was to earn the respect of his dad and his crew, and to make a permanent place for himself on the Cornelia Marie. Love was the last thing he was looking for, which is exactly when it usually finds you.</p>
            </blockquote>





	La Gare du Nord

**Author's Note:**

> Spoilers through season 4. Written for RPF Big Bang 2009.

Josh shivered against the wind biting at the back of his neck and tugged his collar up a little higher. It wasn't that he didn't know what he was in for when he signed on; he had a couple seasons under his belt, even if it had been a few years since the last time he worked a crab boat.

But he was used to the mild Seattle winters now, and vague memories of Alaska in October didn't do much to prepare him for the reality of January and Opi season any more than it prepared him for the sharp sting of freezing rain against his face or the wind that worked its way under the edges of his clothes. He tugged his cap down over his ears and picked up his pace, hurrying toward the _Cornelia Marie_ and the relative warmth below deck. If he was late Phil would spend the next hour bitching at him about how he should have just left Josh's sorry ass in Dutch -- not that he ever followed through on any of his threats -- and Josh wasn't in the mood.

He was halfway down the dock when he heard a familiar voice shouting about the way somebody else was stacking pots, and he looked up to see Edgar Hansen on the deck of the _Northwestern_. The boat was always impressive from close up; part of it was the size, but part of it was the way the Hansens ran their crew. Sure, they could be assholes, and a lot of the captains resented them because they were always at the top of the list when it came to payroll, but it was hard not to admire the rhythm of the crew as they worked together.

It was only Josh's first full season in Dutch, but he'd done a few short runs right after high school, and his old man had been at this so long that he knew everybody on the _Northwestern's_ crew. Except the guy Edgar was bitching at, Josh realized as he looked up at the pot stack and saw the _Northwestern's_ new greenhorn.

He was wearing a baseball cap, and Josh thought he saw blond hair sticking out around his collar, but it was hard to tell for sure from this distance. What he could see were wide eyes, pale skin and the earnest look on the guy's face while he took the abuse Edgar was dishing out. He was probably about Josh's age, maybe a little younger, and Josh found himself wondering what the guy's story was.

He was still watching the greenhorn when the guy looked down at the dock, gaze landing square on Josh and wow, his eyes were blue. Josh felt something stir in his chest and clamped down hard on it, but he couldn't bring himself to drag his gaze away.

"So you came back for more, huh?"

The sound of the voice made the greenhorn look away, and Josh started when he realized he'd stopped moving at some point and was standing in the middle of the dock, staring at a total stranger. He flushed and looked toward the source of the voice, forcing a grin when he found Edgar watching him. "Hey," Josh said, nodding in Edgar's direction. "Figured I made it through red crab, might as well see what the fuss is about Opis."

"It's a whole different ball game," Edgar said, like Josh had never heard this speech before. "But you better not wuss out again; I put my money on you being just as stubborn as your old man."

Josh rolled his eyes at the dig; he'd been fielding insults pretty much since the minute he set foot in town for King Crab, and he didn't figure they'd stop any time soon. These guys weren't that original, for one thing, and once they got hold of a joke they ran it as far into the ground as they could. Which meant he'd probably be hearing about what a pussy he was for at least a few seasons, so he might as well get used to it. Edgar wasn't as bad as some of them, though, so Josh just shrugged and reached into his pocket for his smokes. "Thanks for the vote of confidence."

Edgar laughed at that, a short, crisp bark that made Josh smile for real this time. He lit a cigarette and took a drag, exhaling a puff of white smoke before he nodded at the pot stack. "You guys headed out soon?"

"If the greenhorn can get his head out of his ass," Edgar answered, and both of them turned to look at the new guy again. Immediately Edgar started barking more orders, and Josh watched the kid scramble for a few seconds before he realized he was staring again. When he did he shook himself and started back down the dock, and when he reached the _Cornelia Marie_ he didn't let himself look back.

~

Edgar was still on a tear about Jake taking stupid risks by going too fast or whatever, but he mostly wasn't even listening anymore. He tuned out around the time Edgar stopped shouting at him to talk to that kid who'd been staring at Jake from the dock. As far as Jake could tell, Edgar hadn't noticed the staring. And he was definitely staring, just standing there in the middle of the dock and _looking_ , like Jake was the most interesting thing he'd seen in days.

If they were in Seattle and not surrounded by a bunch of fishermen Jake might have smiled, maybe made his way over and asked the guy's name. He'd never been shy about picking up somebody who caught his eye, but this was Dutch Harbor, and even if his boss wasn't in the middle of a lecture, Jake knew better than to hit on anybody up here. Still, the guy looked at him the way girls -- and sometimes guys -- in bars looked at him, and Jake was pretty sure that meant something. Not that it mattered, because he was here to fish, so he turned back to the job at hand and the next time he looked up, the guy was gone.

He finished stacking the pots and swung back onto the deck just in time to watch Matt stop next to Edgar, nodding down the dock at something and when Jake looked he saw the kid climbing aboard the _Cornelia Marie_. He was tall, a little on the skinny side already and Jake had heard the stories of how much weight guys lost during a crab run, but that kid didn't look like he had much to lose.

"That who I think it is?" Matt asked, nodding in the direction of the _Cornelia Marie_.

"Yep," Edgar said. "Man, can you imagine having those two on board? I'm surprised Phil hasn't had a stroke already."

They both laughed, Edgar shaking his head and before he could stop himself, Jake opened his mouth. "Why, who is that?"

"Josh Harris," Edgar said, glancing over his shoulder at Jake. "One of Phil's kids. Not that it helps him on deck; his kid brother sure as hell doesn't show him any mercy. Speaking of which, you got all the bait bags full yet, greenhorn? If we run out in the middle of the first string, you're toast."

"Yeah, yeah," Jake muttered, but he headed for the bait station anyway to double-check the supply. He could hear Matt and Edgar laughing about something across the deck, but he didn't bother looking over at them. Either they were placing bets on how quick he'd break, or they were still talking about Phil's sons, and either way Jake didn't care. Sure, Josh Harris was kind of cute, but he was a captain's kid, for one thing, and that was about as far from low profile as it got out here. And even if he wasn't, they were on different boats and they'd probably never see each other again anyway. Jake was here to do a job, and that was all he was planning to think about for the next six weeks.

~

They'd been sitting in dry dock for a couple days before Josh finally remembered to ask his brother about the _Northwestern's_ new greenhorn. He hadn't been thinking about him all that much; mostly he'd been thinking about the job, about not making any stupid mistakes that would earn him even more abuse than he already got from the rest of the crew. But they'd been killing time for a couple days now while they waited to find out if there was going to be anywhere to deliver their quota, and after awhile they all ran out of distractions. There were only so many bait bags he could fill, only so many times they could check and recheck the stack before his mind started wandering to big blue eyes staring back at him from the deck of the _Northwestern_.

"Did Sig hire a new guy?" he asked one morning as he watched Jake make breakfast. The rest of the crew was moving around, shuffling back and forth from the head to their bunks. Any second now they'd follow the smell of maple syrup and fresh coffee into the galley, but for now it was just Josh and his brother.

"I heard something about that, yeah," Jake answered, not bothering to glance up from the stove where he was fussing over one of his top-secret recipes. "Why?"

"No reason," Josh answered, keeping his expression as neutral as possible. "I just saw somebody I didn't recognize on deck when I walked past there the other day."

"They took on a fifth guy because Sig's looking to haul three hundred pots this season," Jake answered, looking up at Josh long enough to make him wonder if he was really pulling off the casual routine after all. "Jake something. Matt doesn't think he'll last long."

"He's starting during Opi season, can't be all that worthless."

Jake shrugged but didn't look up. "Either that or he'll wash out even faster."

He might wash out; lots of guys did, and Josh knew from experience that starting during red crab season was challenging enough. Getting thrown right into Opis...that was just crazy, and the _Northwestern_ crew would find out fast whether their new guy was going to last or not. Not that it mattered to Josh one way or the other, because he wasn't working with the kid -- Jake -- so his paycheck didn't depend on whether or not he could hack it. All the same, he sort of hoped the kid would last long enough for Josh to see him again.

~

Jake didn't think about either of Phil's kids again until the end of the season. He didn't think about much at all except staying alive, doing his job so the other guys didn't have a reason to ride him too hard. When he wasn't thinking about staying alive, he was thinking about how close he'd come to turning this job down in the first place. He'd always wanted to try crab fishing, but he'd worked on his uncle's salmon boat for a long time and it felt a little disloyal to join another crew when he'd made a promise to family. The crab fleet got a little smaller every year, though, which meant jobs were harder and harder to come by, and he knew if he didn't jump at this chance another one might not come along.

So in the end he'd taken the job, and now that he had a season under his belt and a paycheck ahead of him, he wasn't sorry he'd come to Alaska at all. It was a lot different from salmon fishing -- a lot harder -- but it was a challenge, and it was a hell of a lot more money. Sig hadn't invited him back for next season yet, but at least Jake knew now that if he did get a call, his answer would be yes. There was still salmon fishing in the summer, sure, but now that he'd felt the rush of crab fishing, he wanted this more than ever.

His dad met them at the dock when they got back to Dutch, pride clear in his expression and his voice, and that made Jake even more sure he'd made the right choice. He wanted his father to be proud of him, but he wanted to be able to help the family out too, and this paycheck would go a long way toward catching up with his sister's medical bills. If he got invited back he'd be on his way to full share, which meant an even bigger payday at the end of the season.

He was still calculating exactly how long it would take him to go from bait boy to full share deckhand when they stopped in at Dutch Harbor's only bar, heading inside so his dad could stop in the john and call Jake's mom from the payphone. Jake waited for him at the bar, dropping his bags on the floor and signaling the bartender for a draft. He tossed a couple bills on the bar and took a long swallow of beer, savoring the novelty of finally being warm enough to enjoy something cold.

"So I guess you survived your first season."

Jake opened his eyes at the sound of the voice, looking to his right to find himself face to face with the kid he'd seen on the first day of the season. Josh, if he was remembering right, the one with the younger brother who outranked him. He was leaning on the bar, black cap tugged down over his ears and a baggy sweatshirt covering the rest of him. He looked away long enough to wave away the bartender, then he turned back to grin at Jake. It was a pretty nice smile, warm and a little shy, maybe, but not mean around the edges the way some of the guys out here grinned at him when they heard he was new. He glanced over his shoulder, but there was no sign of his dad yet.

"I did all right," Jake said, turning back to Josh again. "Why, how long you been out here?"

"Technically this is my first year," Josh admitted, grin turning sheepish and Jake was willing to bet the tips of his ears were a little pink. "I did a few short runs a couple years ago, but this is only my second full season."

"Yeah, but you work your old man's boat, right?"

"Believe me, he doesn't cut me any slack," Josh said, smile fading and just for a second Jake regretted opening his mouth. It was hard to tell if he was offended, but if he really didn't think he got any special treatment on his father's boat, he was crazy. Still, he was sort of sorry Josh wasn't smiling at him anymore, and he was even considering taking it back when someone else appeared on Josh's other side. He had the same dark hair, same pale skin and big brown eyes, and even though he was shorter, it was easy to see that this was Josh's kid brother.

"Hey," he said, leaning in to be heard over the bar noise. "What the hell are you doing? Phil's ready to go, he's about to burst a vessel looking for you."

"Relax, I just came in to take a leak," Josh said. "I thought they were doing some post-production stuff anyway."

Josh's brother shook his head, casting a quick glance at Jake before he answered. "They decided they didn't need him after all. Better get your ass in gear or you'll be hearing it all the way home."

Josh rolled his eyes but pushed himself off the bar, and for a second Jake thought he might leave without another word. Then he turned back and grinned again, and Jake caught himself before he smiled back. "You coming back next season?"

"If Sig asks," he said, shrugging like it didn't really matter. That wasn't true, but he had no idea how tight the other crews were, and he didn't want it to get back to the Hansens that he was too desperate.

"Maybe I'll see you around, then," Josh said. One more grin and he was gone, following his brother out of the bar and back to wherever they spent the off-season. It wasn't until they were gone that Jake realized he'd never even said his name.

~

"Where the hell were you?" Phil barked at him as soon as Josh reached the truck.

Josh shrugged and tossed his cigarette butt into the slush at the edge of the parking lot. "I had to take a leak."

"Yeah, then he had to trot out the welcome wagon for the _Northwestern's_ new greenhorn," Jake said, clapping Josh on the shoulder a little harder than necessary. "Can't blame him. Newbies have to stick together, right?"

"Come on, Josh, this isn't fucking social hour," Phil growled around the cigarette dangling from his lips. He was already breathing heavy, and when he reached for a bag to swing into the back of the truck Josh grabbed it.

"I got it," he said, pulling the bag out of Phil's reach before he could argue and tossing it in the back with the rest of their gear. "Anyway, I just said hi to the guy. It's not like I asked him his life story."

It was true; he really had just stopped long enough to say hi. Besides, it wasn't like Josh had gone looking for him or anything. Okay, he'd seen Jake go into the bar and followed him, but the part where Jake happened to be walking by right while Josh was standing across the street from the bar was a coincidence. He wasn't even sure why he'd followed Jake, because they didn't know each other and he didn't have a reason to talk to him. Not that striking up a conversation with a fellow greenhorn was a big deal; they all traded stories over beers, even when there weren't cameras pointing at them. He didn't know Jake, though, and now that he'd actually spoken to him, he realized he'd never even gotten around to telling Jake his name.

If he had, he might have found out Jake's last name. Or if his name really was Jake in the first place. All he had was his brother's word to go on, and granted, that should be an easy one for him to remember, but it didn't mean he was right. Still, Jake whatever-his-name-was seemed to know _who_ Josh was, even if he didn't know Josh's name. He figured that had to count for something, at least. What it counted for was the part he hadn't worked out yet. Not that it mattered, because whatever connection he'd felt on the dock that first day of the season had probably been all in his head anyway. Sig might not even hire him permanently; the _Northwestern_ had always worked fine with a four-man crew, and the chances of them keeping a fifth guy on the payroll were pretty slim.

Even if Josh saw him again, Jake would just be another guy working the boats. Josh might be an idiot, but he wasn't stupid enough to think he could hook up with another fisherman without anybody finding out. Even if there weren't cameras on him all season he wouldn't take the risk, because he'd been around these guys enough to know what would happen if anybody found out. Maybe if it was just him he wouldn't worry so much, but he had his father's reputation to think about. Phil was one of the most well-respected captains on the Bering Sea, and Josh wasn't going to jeopardize that just for a fling with some random guy. No matter how blue his eyes were.

"Dude, pull your head out," his brother said, catching Josh's arm hard with his shoulder. Josh blinked and looked down to find his brother scowling at him. He wasn't sure how long he'd been spaced out, but the pile of gear next to the truck had gotten bigger since the last time he looked at it.

Josh shook himself and reached for a bag, sliding it toward the back of the truck bed and turning to reach for another. He could feel Jake watching him as they worked on loading the rest of the gear, but he ignored it and concentrated instead on not thinking about the _Northwestern's_ newest crew member.

~

The day Jake got his first piece of fan mail was when things got really weird. Well, what came in the mail was a big envelope with the Discovery Channel logo in the corner, but when he opened it he found a schedule and a handful of smaller envelopes from places he'd never heard of. Like Riverton, Wyoming, where some girl who couldn't have been more than thirteen wrote him two pages about how she watched the show with her dad and how cute he was and how she hoped they'd get to go to Washington for summer vacation so she could meet him. It was kind of creepy, even if she was just a little kid.

He skipped the rest of the fan mail and pulled the schedule out of the envelope, frowning at the list of dates and the note requesting that he call some production assistant and let them know which events he was available for. There was stuff going on all summer long, a lot of it in Alaska or Seattle, but some of it all the way on the other side of the country. Even if all this stuff wasn't right in the middle of salmon season he wouldn't get the point; standing around in some room waiting to take pictures with strangers like the kid from Wyoming wasn't exactly Jake's idea of a good time.

Still, he wanted Sig to invite him back for King Crab season, and if he didn't show up for at least a couple of the local events, that might not happen. Word from the rest of the guys on the crew was that the Hansens really got into the fan stuff; he'd heard that they even hung around the dock between cod runs to greet fans who happened to stop by in the off-season. Jake didn't get it, but if showing up for an event or two during the summer meant Sig started thinking of him as part of the show, it would be worth it.

He stuffed the rest of his unopened fan mail back into the envelope, then he folded the schedule and went in search of his uncle. Jake found him in the yard, arguing with one of the other captains about whether or not there was going to be a salmon season at all this summer. The season in Bristol hadn't been affected last year, but they canceled the entire season in Washington, and Jake knew everyone who depended on salmon fishing was worried. He'd been pretty worried himself, which was the reason he'd finally decided to sign on with Sig and give crab fishing a try. The money was only part of it; he wanted to make fishing his career, and if the salmon industry failed he better have a back-up plan.

His uncle understood that too, he was pretty sure. He still hassled Jake about not being available to run the show for him before the season started, for having less time to spend in Bristol getting things ready. At first Jake's plan had been to balance both crab and salmon fishing; the seasons didn't overlap, and there was really no reason he couldn't keep doing what he'd been doing for his uncle since he was eighteen. But the TV show threw a wrench in the works, and for the first time Jake realized what his uncle meant when he said Jake was trying to spread himself too thin.

The argument stopped as he approached, and Jake's Uncle Mark looked over his shoulder as Jake approached. "You get that envelope I left for you?"

"Yeah," Jake answered, fingers worrying the edge of the folded schedule. "Can I talk to you for a second?"

His uncle nodded at the other captain and turned to face Jake, glancing down at the piece of paper in his hand. "What's on your mind?"

"You know I want to keep working for you."

"But..." his uncle prompted, and Jake swallowed against the surge of guilt.

"But I'd like to keep working for Sig too, and I figure he'll want me to show up at some of these." He held out the schedule and his uncle took it, unfolding the paper and staring at it for a few seconds before he nodded and handed it back.

"That's a pretty full schedule you've got there."

"I probably don't have to go to most of them," Jake said. "Maybe just a couple of the local ones. I mean, they probably don't expect me to show up in Baltimore, but maybe I could put in an appearance at the one in Anchorage, you know?"

"Sure, Jake," his uncle said, and just for a second he looked a lot older. "I told you already, whatever you need to do."

"I know you did," he answered, "but I said I'd keep helping out here, and I meant it."

His uncle smiled and clapped him on the shoulder, steering him back toward the _Mark II_ where it was docked at the end of the pier. "You're a good kid, Jake. I'm proud of you. But the other guys can pick up the slack around here for awhile. Not every day you get a chance to be famous, right?"

Jake blushed, the tips of his ears heating up as he grinned at his uncle. "Yeah, right. Who even wants to watch a show about crab fishing?"

~

Phil and his brother had been at this long enough for Josh to know what to expect, but Josh had never actually _been_ to one of these things before. He knew there was a lot of standing around shaking hands and listening to people talk about the show, that there would be pictures and autographs and probably a bunch of dumb questions he wouldn't want to answer. Last year girls asked Jake if he was dating anybody at least ten times during every one these things. Jake hadn't told him about it, but Phil thought it was hilarious and brought it up every chance he got. Sometimes it was their moms who did the asking, and at the time Josh had joined in on teasing him about his fan club. Now Josh was on TV too, though, and he had a feeling he was going to have to answer plenty of the same embarrassing questions.

He wasn't planning to lie; he wasn't seeing anybody right now, and that was all he had to say. People could read whatever they wanted into that answer, and if they jumped to the wrong conclusions...well, that wasn't his fault. There was nothing he could do about it, anyway, not without outing himself and causing all kinds of trouble for his old man. That was the whole reason he'd taken so long to commit to working with his father; he knew what it would be like for him in this job, but in the end he couldn't find anything he loved doing as much as fishing. It was true what they said about fishing being in your blood, and no matter how hard Josh fought it, in the end he always came back.

Fishing didn't have much to do with this, though, and it felt a little weird when the first fans stopped by their table to ask for an autograph. "Who should I make it out to?" his brother asked, grinning down at a couple of pre-teens who didn't look old enough to stay up for their show, let alone enjoy watching a bunch of men chain smoke and bitch about crab fishing. They giggled at Jake as he scrawled his name across a piece of paper, then handed it back to them. Josh expected them to turn away as soon as they got Jake's autograph, but when he finished they turned to Josh and held out the same sheet of paper. When he looked down at it he realized it was a glossy photo of the _Cornelia Marie_ crew, one of the promo shots they'd taken at the beginning of the season.

"Hi," he said, smiling as they giggled again. He signed his name as close to his face as he could and handed the picture back. The girls took off in another burst of giggles, shoulders pressed together and heads down, and Josh shook his head at the idea of a couple strangers getting that worked up over him and his brother. Sure, they were just kids, but he was still getting used to the fact that people recognized him at all, let alone that they tuned in every week just to watch him do his job. He should be used to it after two years of watching his father and brother deal with it, but hearing about it and experiencing it firsthand turned out to be two different things.

The show had set them up in one of those cavernous, generic hotel banquet rooms, and somebody had set up tables for each of the crews. All the captains were there, including a few who hadn't been on the show since the first season, and Josh had exchanged hellos with a few members of the other crews while they were waiting around for the event to start. He knew Matt from the _Northwestern_ was lurking around somewhere, and he'd spotted one of the guys from the _Wizard_ signing autographs for a couple fans who managed to sneak in a little early. When he first saw the room Josh thought it seemed kind of big for just a handful of guys, but now that the doors were open the place was filling up fast.

He glanced over to the _Northwestern's_ table and saw a huge crowd already gathered around, Sig right at the center -- of course -- shaking hands and posing for pictures with his arm slung around people's shoulders. Josh watched while someone gestured behind Sig, and a second later Sig turned and reached through the crowd to haul someone into the picture. Josh expected Edgar or maybe Matt, but when the crowd parted he caught sight of blond hair and big blue eyes. Sig's arm slid around Jake's shoulders, jostling him and making some joke Josh couldn't hear, but whatever it was made the whole crowd laugh. Jake smiled and a flash went off, then Sig let go of him and he instantly disappeared behind the crowd.

Josh hadn't expected Jake to show up at any of these things. He hadn't even let himself think about it, really, because it didn't matter whether he showed up or not. The last Josh heard Sig still hadn't decided whether or not to keep him on the crew, though, so he figured he if he ever saw Jake again, it would be at the start of the next red crab season. Seeing him here...well, it didn't make any difference to Josh, but he was glad Jake was here all the same.

"Don't look now, but I think somebody's trying to get your attention."

Josh started at the sound of the voice, face flushing at the fact that he'd gotten caught looking. But when he turned to see whose hand was on his shoulder, Murray was grinning at someone standing in front of their table. Josh followed his gaze to find a couple teenage girls staring at his brother while he signed their pictures. Behind them was an older brunette -- the older sister, Josh figured. She was standing back like she wasn't that interested in any of this, but she was watching him, and when their eyes met her mouth quirked into a half smile.

It was a nice enough smile, and for a second Josh wished it did anything for him at all. He hadn't felt that old longing in awhile now, that urge to be like his brothers...to be _normal_ , at least in his family's eyes. When he was away from them he didn't have to think about it, but now that he was back...well, he knew better than to think he could fake it, but he had a feeling there would always be a part of him that felt like he was letting them down.

He knew what Murray was expecting. He knew what the _girl_ was expecting; Josh would turn on the charm, maybe claim to think these things were lame and suggest they bail together. That was what most guys would probably do. At the very least, they'd probably try to get her number. He wasn't most guys, though, and situations like this one just reminded him that he never would be. He was saved from an awkward scene by the younger girls moving down the table toward him, pushing pictures into his hand.

"What's your name?" he asked the first one, smiling when she blushed and stammered 'Sara'. He signed her picture and turned to her friend, repeating the process again.

They were elbowing each other and whispering back and forth, and his stomach knotted in anticipation of the question their chaperone had probably put them up to. So far no one had asked if he was single, but he knew it was just a matter of time before his luck ran out.

"Do you know if that new boy's here?" Sara finally asked, and when Josh realized who they were talking about he felt his face heat up.

"Jake? Yeah, he's right over there," Josh said, gesturing toward the Northwestern's table. Josh waved as Sara and her friend thanked him and hurried toward the crowd around Jake's table, avoiding their chaperone's gaze until she finally turned to follow them.

"Wow, talk about a missed opportunity." Murray again, and Josh had to work hard not to roll his eyes.

"She's not my type," he said without looking back at Murray. "I like blondes."  
~

Jake was sure about one thing: he was never going to get used to this. He just didn't see the point of shaking hands and signing his name all day for a bunch of strangers, like he was anybody special. Sure, he had a cool job and all, and he never minded talking about fishing, but he didn't get why all these people seemed so interested in it. In _him_ , and not just what he thought of crab fishing. At least twenty girls had asked him if he was dating anybody, and when he didn't answer Sig and Edgar got in on the act until finally Jake made up a girl just to shut them up. So now he had a girlfriend, at least according to the show, but if it got people off his back he didn't care what they wrote about him.

The first chance he got he ditched the rest of his crew and slipped out of the room, down a short hallway that led to the loading dock behind the hotel. When he got to the door it was already propped open, and for a second he considered finding somewhere else to hide out. The last thing he felt like doing was dealing with fans who were looking for some kind of behind the scenes look at the crews. He didn't want to have to make small talk with the production crew, or even any of the other guys. But going back the way he came meant running into fans for sure, and dealing with people who were involved with the show would be better than that.

He pushed the door open and glanced out, but as it turned out, he had the dock to himself. He let out a breath and stepped outside, the door swinging shut behind him. For a few minutes he just stood there, breathing in the warm mid-summer air and enjoying the silence. Jake had never expected this to be a big deal. It was his first season on the show, for one thing, and according to Edgar they'd only aired a couple of his episodes so far. That didn't stop everyone in the place from knowing who he was, though, and he'd already signed more autographs and posed for more pictures than he could count.

The door swung open behind him and he braced himself for another photo opportunity, but when he turned around the person behind him wasn't even looking at him. Instead he was focused on the cigarette trapped between his lips, one hand cupped around the end as he held a lighter in the other. When Josh did look up his eyes widened for a second, but he caught himself and exhaled a cloud of white smoke before he nodded. "Hey."

"Hey," Jake said, relaxing just a little. He still wasn't in the mood for small talk, but if he had to deal with anyone, Josh seemed all right. He was still easy on the eyes, anyway, and at least he was almost as new at this as Jake.

"It's pretty fucked up in there, huh?" Josh said, gesturing with his cigarette in the direction of the banquet room.

"Yeah," Jake answered, grinning when he realized Josh was just as weirded out as he was. "It kind of gives you the creeps, all those people knowing your name and stuff."

"No kidding." Josh grinned back at him and took a drag off his smoke, and when he exhaled Jake realized he was staring. But Josh was staring right back, so maybe it didn't matter.

"So you're coming back next season?"

"Looks like it," Jake said, flashing a sheepish grin in Josh's direction. "To tell you the truth I didn't know until today. Somebody asked Sig if I was permanent and he said he guessed they'd keep me around awhile."

"That sounds like Sig, all right," Josh said. "So you didn't know if you had the job and you still showed up at this thing?"

Jake grinned when Josh laughed, but he had to admit it sounded kind of stupid when he put it that way. "I figured if I wanted the job I should act like it."

"You've got a point," Josh said, still smiling and Jake flashed back to the bar in Dutch where he'd first seen that smile. "Knowing Sig, showing up at a publicity event probably sealed the deal."

Jake shrugged but didn't answer. He had a feeling it was true, but he wasn't about to talk trash about his boss, not to a captain's kid. Especially when half his new crew was around here somewhere.

"Yeah, well, I better get back," he said, turning toward the door that led inside. His hand was on the knob when Josh said his name, the sound of his voice making something warm uncurl in his stomach. Jake didn't turn, but he glanced over his shoulder to find Josh watching him. He wasn't smiling anymore, but there was something about the way he was looking at Jake that sent a surge of want straight to the center of his belly. If they were anywhere else...but they weren't, and any second now the door could open and somebody from one of their crews could find them out here alone.

"So I guess I'll see you around," was all Josh said, but Jake was pretty sure that wasn't what he meant.

"Yeah," he answered, and he wasn't really agreeing to anything, but it felt like he was. "See you around."

~

Josh stood out on the dock for a long time after Jake left. When he finally did go back inside, his brother bitched at him about taking off whenever he felt like it until Josh finally tuned him out completely. It wasn't like he had to go outside to smoke. Hell, if they tried to hold one of these things in a non-smoking room, the whole event would end up taking place outside. So he didn't have a good reason for disappearing, at least not one he could tell his brother.

The truth was he'd seen Jake slip out the back, and he'd just followed. Just to say hi, he'd told himself, to find out if Jake was going to be around for awhile. And now that he had his answer it still didn't make any difference, because they were still on different boats and they were still surrounded by fishermen twenty-four hours a day. He was pretty sure now that something _could_ happen, though, which meant...well, maybe nothing, but he hoped it meant something.

After their first conversation he still wasn't sure if he'd imagined the connection between them. He might have found out if his brother hadn't showed up looking for him, but they hadn't even gotten to first names before they were interrupted. Four months later and their second conversation hadn't lasted much longer, but it was enough for Josh to be almost positive the attraction wasn't one-sided. Maybe it wasn't going anywhere, but at least he knew now that he wasn't imagining things. Or he was pretty sure he wasn't, anyway.

He glanced across the room toward the _Northwestern_ crew, picking Jake out easily in the dwindling crowd. He was leaning in to catch whatever Sig was saying to him, and when his features lit up with a smile Josh figured Sig had finally come through with an actual job offer. He was still watching when Jake glanced up, gaze landing on Josh like he'd known the whole time that Josh was watching him. Like he could _feel_ it, and warmth spread up Josh's neck at the thought.

He was still looking when someone grabbed his elbow, shaking hard enough to make Josh look. "What?" Josh snapped, yanking his arm out of his brother's grip.

For a second Jake just looked at him, then he shook his head and held out a folded piece of paper. "That girl came back. Said to give you this."

He was smirking, which meant whatever it said, Jake had already read it. Josh rolled his eyes and grabbed the note, shaking it open to find a name and a phone number written in loopy, feminine handwriting. He closed his eyes, then opened them again and handed it back. "You call her."

"What a waste," Jake said, but he folded the note and tucked it into his pocket anyway. "What am I supposed to tell her about you?"

"Tell her I'm already spoken for," Josh said, digging in his pockets for his smokes so he wouldn't have to look at his brother.

"That true?" Jake asked, an edge creeping into his voice. Nobody else would have even registered it, but Josh had known him his whole life.

Instead of answering he just shrugged, willing himself not to look across the room. He looked anyway, but the _Northwestern_ crew were already gone. Josh swallowed a sigh and told himself he wasn't expecting Jake to wait around for him. And he wasn't; he knew better, especially when Sig and Edgar were in town. Still, it would have been kind of cool if he'd surprised Josh.

"As far as your girl's concerned, it might as well be," he finally said, glancing up at his brother long enough to flash what he hoped was a convincing grin. Jake rolled his eyes, but he let it drop, and that was all Josh cared about.

~

The thing was, Jake liked to keep his promises. He'd always wanted to be a crab fisherman, sure, but he'd always figured he'd be able to fish salmon too. The seasons didn't overlap, and Opi season was so short these days that even if he kept going up to Bristol early to get the boat ready for his uncle, he'd still have plenty of time between seasons. Except that the crab fishing job he'd been offered came with a whole other job attached, and there was no way Jake could do a TV show and still be there for his uncle the way he'd always planned.

Already this summer he'd had to bail on some stuff he'd normally take care of, leaving his uncle to find someone else to pick up the slack. It would be even worse next year, if what Sig said was true, because they'd started filming a new show this year where everybody just sat around a table and _talked_ about the show. That seemed kind of useless to Jake, but it seemed pretty popular so far, which meant he might have to show up for tapings of that next season.

He didn't mind the cameras on the boat or the questions the cameramen asked. That was just like talking to another member of the crew, mostly, and as long as they stayed out of the way when it counted he didn't have a problem with them. The idea of sitting around talking about what happened on the show after people had already seen it happen, though...that just seemed like a waste of time. Then again, standing around and shaking hands with strangers seemed like a waste of time too, and he was supposed to do that again in a couple days. It was the whole reason he was stuck in dry dock while the rest of his uncle's crew was out fishing; he had to be in Anchorage for another Meet and Greet right in the middle of the week, and the boat wouldn't get back to the dock until Friday.

He'd spent the past day repairing spare nets and doing whatever he could to make sure everything was ready for winter storage. A lot of the stuff on his list he usually waited to do in the spring, but there was a chance he wouldn't be around to do it next spring, so he figured he might as well get it done while he was killing time. It gave him something to do, anyway, and it made him feel a little less guilty about the fact that he was bailing on his uncle.

The trouble was that he was already running out of things to do, and hanging out at the dock authority office staring at pin-ups of mostly naked girls wasn't exactly his idea of a good time. It would be one thing if there was anyone around to talk to, but everybody who wanted to talk fishing was out on the water. But there wasn't much else to _do_ in Bristol if you weren't fishing, which was why Jake was lying on the bed in his motel room staring at the ceiling at three in the afternoon.

He already knew Sig and Edgar would be at the Meet and Greet; that was the only reason he'd agreed to bail on the last week of Sockeye season. Sig had offered him a permanent spot on the _Northwestern_ at the first event he went to, but Jake hadn't been to anything since. It had been almost a month since he saw any of them, and he'd spent most of that time fishing for his uncle. Maybe he didn't even need to show up in order to keep his new job, but he wasn't going to take the chance when he'd only clocked a single Opi season so far.

So he'd show up in Anchorage, and hopefully that would be enough to convince Sig that he was serious about the job. And okay, maybe there was another reason to show up at these things. It wasn't a good enough reason to bail on the last week of Sockeye season, but as long as he was going anyway, it didn't hurt to wonder if Josh was going to be there. They'd only had a couple conversations so far, but he got the impression that Josh showed up wherever his father and brother did. Jake didn't have anything against family loyalty -- he'd worked for his uncle since high school -- but he couldn't help wondering what Josh's story was. He knew Josh was the older brother, and he knew he was the greenhorn on the _Cornelia Marie_. So his brother had been fishing longer than him, which meant there were a few years in there that Josh wasn't attached at the hip to his kid brother.

It was only natural to wonder what Josh had been doing all that time, and it wasn't much of a leap for Jake's mind to wander to who he was doing it with. He hadn't seen much of Josh so far -- he'd never seen him without that stupid hat he always wore -- but it wasn't hard to picture him minus the baggy sweatshirts and the pants that probably could have fit two of him inside. It wasn't hard to picture the pale skin at the back of his neck, the way his eyes would close if Jake opened his mouth against the skin at the top of his shoulder. If he closed his own eyes he could feel Josh's skin under his hands, stretched taut over the angles of his shoulders. Maybe he'd tense at the first touch, then relax again slowly, breathing into the slide of Jake's hand down his back to settle at his hips.

He was tall -- taller than Jake -- and even through the baggy clothes Jake could tell he was too skinny for his height. Maybe some of that was because of crab fishing, but it was the middle of summer now and the last time Jake saw him Josh was just as skinny as usual. Jake pictured the way his hip bones would stand out against his skin, hand sliding down the front of his t-shirt as he imagined sliding his hands over Josh's skin instead. He wondered what it would be like to kiss Josh, if he'd be shy about it or if he'd just go for it, pressing hard against Jake's mouth and scratching Jake's skin with his beard.

His cock twitched at the thought and Jake squeezed it through his jeans, hard enough to take the edge off but still soft enough to tease. He had nowhere to be for another day, after all, and if he was going to jerk off to the image of a guy he barely knew, he might as well make it worth his time.

Jake wasn't stupid; he knew how risky it was to think about hooking up with somebody on the job, even if there weren't cameras practically everywhere both of them went. Already he'd caught Josh watching him across a room full of fans and both of their crews, and he'd known since the first time he laid eyes on Josh that he was interested. Steering clear of him altogether would be the smart thing to do, until Josh took the hint and stopped looking at him like he was trying to burn a hole through his clothes.

The problem was that Jake didn't _want_ to steer clear of Josh. Maybe it was just because he'd been so busy focusing on his career for the past six months that he hadn't seen any action that didn't involve his own hand. Or maybe it was the way Josh looked at him like he was the most interesting thing Josh had seen in forever. Then again, it might just be the fact that Jake couldn't stop thinking about what he looked like without that stupid hat on. He could pick any one of those reasons or all of the above; in the end it didn't really matter.

The point was that ever since that last _so I'll see you around_ at the Meet and Greet, Jake hadn't been able to shake the image of the look on Josh's face. Like he was throwing down some kind of challenge, or just making an offer. Jake didn't know him well enough to say _how_ he meant it, but the more he wondered, the more he wanted to find out.

If it was a challenge, fucking Josh for the first time would be intense. Jake imagined Josh pushing him up against a wall, hands pushing up under his clothes and _taking_ without bothering to ask first. He slid his zipper down and pushed his jeans open, pressing his hand inside to cup his quickly hardening cock through the thin cotton of his boxers. He pictured Josh on his knees, mouth wrapped around Jake's cock and those long, nicotine-stained fingers pressing hard against Jake's hips. His hair would be dark under Jake's fingers, cheeks hollow and his eyes open the whole time to watch Jake thrusting into his mouth.

Jake arched up hard into the circle of his fist, eyes closed tight and his breath coming a little faster as he pictured Josh jerking himself off while he sucked Jake's cock. His own hand moved in time with the one in his imagination, fingers dipping low with each down stroke to press hard against his balls. He spread his legs a little wider, but his jeans were still in the way so he let go of his dick and pushed them down his hips, feet tangling in the fabric as he kicked them off.

When he finally got his legs free he bent his knees wide, hand gripping his cock again to stroke more slowly this time. Fucking Josh hard and fast would be intense, but if Josh was the type who liked to take things slow...well, that would probably be pretty intense too.

The first time he laid eyes on Josh he wondered what it would be like to kiss him. Part of it was his beard; Jake liked the rough feel of whiskers against his skin, liked the burn left behind from the friction of another guy's beard rubbing against his stubble. But the thing that really made him want to kiss Josh was his mouth. He wanted to sink his teeth into that full bottom lip, wanted to push his tongue past Josh's teeth and kiss him hard just so he could pull away again and see how much redder he could make Josh's mouth than it already was. He pictured Josh trapped underneath him, kiss-swollen and arching up, legs wrapped around Jake's hips and moving so slow that Jake wanted to cry from the _need_ to get off.

His hand tightened on his cock as he bucked off the mattress, thrusting hard into the circle of his fist. His free hand rested on his stomach, and his fingers slid under the thin white t-shirt still covering his chest, finding a nipple and pinching hard. He let out a sharp groan and tightened his grip even more, thumb sliding through the slickness on the head of his cock as he imagined Josh straddling his hips, bony knees digging into his sides as he rode Jake. The image was enough to send him over the edge, gasping out his orgasm as wet heat coated his chest and his t-shirt. When he caught his breath he pulled the shirt off and cleaned himself up, then he tossed it on the floor with his jeans and closed his eyes.

There was no way Jake could choose how he wanted Josh first. Either way he was pretty sure it would be worth the risk, and he had a feeling when it was over, he'd still want more. Which was the whole reason he should stay the hell away from Josh Harris, Jake reminded himself. The trouble was that he didn't think he could.

~

"So anyway, they're playing The Gorge next week and Dustin's van has room for one more. You in?"

"When is it?" Josh asked, leaning a little further across the table to hear over the bar noise. It was the first chance he'd had to see any of his friends in weeks; between publicity shoots and events and filming _After the Catch_ , he'd barely been in town all summer, let alone had time to get together with anybody.

Before Josh decided to try fishing again he had a whole life in Seattle. He still did, sort of, but now it wasn't just a couple months out of the winter that he spent away from his friends and his place and the rest of his life. Now he had to bail on stuff during the summer too, because he was traveling to some event or being dragged to some development pitch with his old man. So far companies had tried to sell his father on endorsing some pretty wild stuff, and he'd heard that Sig was already working on some deal that would put his face on boxes of frozen fish. Which was pretty funny, he had to admit, but it was kind of strange, too.

They were all still fishermen, they all still had the same worries and goals as any other guy out on the Bering Sea, but somehow the show had gotten all tied up in it until it just seemed like the cameras were never off. A lot of them didn't even seem to notice anymore, but Josh was still having some trouble adjusting. Mostly he missed having a life, missed the stuff he used to do without even thinking about cameras or where he was supposed to be when. He spent two years trying to be somebody other than Phil Harris' kid, and even though he'd gone back to fishing in the end, there were things about his life in those two years he'd managed to hold onto. Like friends who listened to the same music he did and didn't care that he was into guys. Friends he could be himself around, who made him feel like he wasn't some kind of freak just because he wasn't exactly like his brothers.

"A week from tomorrow," Brandon answered, squinting at Josh in the low bar light. "Don't tell me, you've got another fan club meeting."

"It's part of the job," Josh said for what felt like the millionth time. It was true, but that didn't make it any less lame. "There's a thing in Anchorage."

"Bummer." Brandon lifted his drink and drained half the glass, watching Josh over the rim the entire time. When he set it back down again he grinned and leaned closer. "Your boy gonna be there?"

"Who?" Josh said, frowning at the look on Brandon's face.

"Give me a break, man. I've seen the show, I know what the 'new guy' you keep mentioning looks like. Totally your type."

"I haven't mentioned anybody," Josh said, but he could feel the heat creeping into his cheeks and he knew if the room was lit better the whole place would see his ears turning crimson.

"Right. So you weren't wondering what his story was when you got home in February. Just like you didn't keep bringing up how he showed up at your last little fan club meeting."

Josh rolled his eyes, but it wasn't like he could deny it. He hadn't realized at the time he was saying any of that stuff out loud, but if Brandon knew Jake was the new guy Josh kept mentioning, he must have heard it from Josh. "He's not my boy. Anyway, he probably won't even be there. It's all the way up in Anchorage."

"So why are you going? Your old man has to give you a break every once in awhile, right?"

The truth was that Josh could skip the event if he wanted to. Phil would roll his eyes and Jake would give him shit about his 'commitment to the job' or whatever, but in the end they wouldn't make him go. There were plenty of events where one of the guys didn't show up, and nobody held it against them. So it would be easy enough to blow it off this time and hang out with his friends like a normal person for awhile, just forget about the show and the cameras and who might or might not show up this time. Josh shook his head anyway, picking up his beer and glancing over at Brandon. "The show already bought the plane tickets, I can't back out."

"Suit yourself, man," Brandon said, but he was smirking again. "I just hope he shows."

~

Jake was one of the last guys to check in at the hotel. That was what the girl behind the desk said, anyway, when she wasn't giggling like he was some kind of rock star. Granted, they probably didn't get a whole lot of _actual_ stars in Anchorage, but it still seemed a little dumb to him, especially when she'd already had a chance to see the rest of the guys up close and personal. He took his key and headed for his room without bothering to ask who his roommate was. He hadn't stayed in the hotel the last time he showed up at one of these; that one was in Seattle, so he'd just driven down from his folks' house and headed right back to Anacortes when it was over. He knew better than to think he'd have a room to himself, but it didn't matter to him who he shared with. If he could pick he knew exactly who it would be, but there was no way Josh wasn't sharing with his brother.

He let himself into the room and dropped his stuff on the bed that wasn't already messed up. So his roommate had gotten in the night before; most of them probably had, because a lot of them were traveling from out of state, which meant commercial flights and a lot of hanging around waiting for something to happen. Jake caught a ride on a seaplane that happened to be heading his way, and he counted himself lucky at the time that the pilot wasn't flying into Anchorage until the day of the event.

He pocketed the room key and headed back downstairs, following the noise until he found the room with all the cameras and the show logo plastered all over the place. There were already people he didn't recognize wandering around the lobby, but he managed to avoid getting stopped by any over-enthusiastic fans on his way into the room. It was smaller than the last one, but still big enough for a decent-sized crowd. Jake spotted the _Northwestern_ crew right away, but instead of heading for the table he scanned the rest of the place until he found what he was looking for.

Josh had his back to the door, face sort of half turned toward Jake while he talked to someone standing behind him. For once he wasn't wearing a hat, and even from the front of the room Jake could see a few metal earrings. He could see why Josh wore a hat so much, too; his ears stuck out a lot, and from this angle it sort of looked like they came to a point at the top. Already he was imagining tracing the tips of Josh's ears with his finger -- better yet, with his tongue -- and when his cock twitched he laughed and shook his head.

Before he got on the plane to fly to Anchorage he'd known he was fucked, but until he walked into the room and saw Josh again, at least he could still deny it. Not that lying to himself counted for much, and there was nobody else around in Bristol for him to lie to. Here he was surrounded by people, though, and if Jake didn't want to answer a bunch of questions he should probably stop staring at the back of Josh's head. As soon as he thought it he looked over at his own crew to find Edgar already waving him over, and he swallowed a rush of something like guilt and headed across the room.

"About time you showed up," Edgar said, clapping Jake on the back and drawing him into the crowd gathered around the table. Jake grinned and shook hands with Norm and then Nick, but he couldn't stop himself from stealing another look across the room at the crew of the _Cornelia Marie_. When he did he found Josh watching him, and he couldn't be sure from this distance, but it looked to him like the tips of Josh's ears went pink as soon as Jake caught him looking. He grinned and turned back to his own crew, pretending to listen to whatever Edgar was saying while he started working on a plan to get Josh alone.

~

It was more or less a tradition that when they did one of these things out of town, everybody went out drinking after. Not that these guys needed an excuse to drink -- half the events they did in Seattle ended at a bar somewhere -- but when they were on the road, there really wasn't anything else to do.

Well, Josh could think of other ways to spend his time, but none of them would go over too big with this crowd. A few of them might get him killed, at least if he was anybody other than Phil Harris' son. His last name might be enough to protect him from actual physical harm, but he couldn't guarantee the same for anybody who might get mixed up with him. Which was exactly the reason he hadn't spent the whole day staring at Jake from across the room, and the reason he definitely wasn't staring at him now.

Not that he _could_ stare at Jake right now without being totally obvious, because Jake was sitting right next to him. Every time he picked up his drink his elbow brushed Josh's arm, and every time he leaned forward to catch the thread of conversation their knees brushed together under the table. Josh was pretty sure he wasn't doing it on purpose. There were a lot of guys packed around the table, so chances were it was more a matter of space than Jake trying to flirt.

Jake moved a _lot_ , though, and an hour into the conversation Josh wasn't sure how much more he could take.

He still wasn't sure how they'd ended up next to each other. He hadn't really been expecting Jake to show up at all; he'd made a big deal out of trying to impress Sig, sure, but showing up at an event in Seattle was a lot easier than showing up in Anchorage. Except that it turned out Jake had traveled further for the last one, because according to him, he spent his summers in Alaska too. Part of them, at least, according to what Jake was telling a couple of the guys from the Maverick.

"Isn't your uncle pissed?"

"Nah," Jake answered, leaning forward and right on cue there was his knee, pressing into Josh's thigh. Like he didn't even know he was doing it. Josh was pretty sure that wasn't true, but he wasn't about to turn around and ask. He'd barely looked at Jake since he pulled up a chair and squeezed in between Josh and Corey, partly because he didn't want anyone to think he was _looking_ , and partly because he was afraid he'd find out that he was wrong and Jake was as clueless as he was acting.

Jake was still talking, something about the uncertain future of the salmon industry, and he sure as hell didn't sound clueless when he was talking about fishing. He was still green when it came to crab, sure, but it was clear that he'd been working the salmon boats for a long time. He had it in his blood like everybody else in the room, and the worst part about it was that it just made Josh want him more.

Jake's elbow brushed his arm as he hoisted his second beer, draining the glass and wiping the back of his hand across his mouth. Josh pulled his arm back as far as he could without being obvious, but all it did was ensure that Jake's entire forearm brushed against him as he set the empty glass back down on the table. Someone -- Scottie, Josh was pretty sure -- called for another round, and Josh bit back a groan at the thought of sitting through another hour of Jake just _breathing_ next to him, invading his personal space like it was no big deal.

"I'm out," he said, the words coming out of his mouth before he even realized he was thinking them. His chair scraped the floor as he pushed back from the table, pushing Jake's knee off his thigh in the process. And it was pretty damn pathetic that he hated to lose even that little bit of contact, which was how he knew he'd made the right call.

"Lightweight," his brother said, smirking up at Josh and any other time Josh would have made a crack about how Jake was too young to be drinking anyway. That would get him thrown out of the bar, though, and the last thing Josh wanted to do right now was go back to his room with a pissed off little brother. What he wanted he wasn't going to get, so the next best thing was going back to the room alone.

"Whatever, man, I'm beat," he said instead. "Anyway, we've got an early flight tomorrow."

As soon as he said it he regretted it, because reminding his brother that they had to get up at the crack of dawn might convince him to call it a night too. But Jake just laughed and reached for the beer somebody pushed toward him. "Dude, it's early. Relax."

A couple of the other guys joined in, telling him to stop being a pussy and sit back down. Josh ignored the teasing and the laughter, stopping long enough to clap his father on the shoulder and wave to the rest of the captains. He didn't let himself look to see if anyone was watching him go; Jake Anderson hadn't said a word when he stood up, so there was no reason to think he might be watching Josh walk away.

Josh told himself he wasn't disappointed as he headed out of the hotel bar and across the lobby. For a few seconds he considered changing direction and heading out of the hotel altogether, out into the too-bright warmth of a summer evening in Anchorage. There was a store down the street where he could pick up some more smokes; he wasn't out, but it would kill a little time. Or he could head into the city and see if he could find a place a little more his style, maybe a club where people didn't look too close at your face when they asked if they could buy you a drink. But this was Alaska, and people recognized the guys from the show here. More than even in Seattle, and he'd been a lot more careful at home since the show started too. So even if he did find someplace to unwind without any cameras around, there was always the chance that someone would recognize him and his face would end up on Youtube before he even left town.

Josh sighed and crossed to the elevators, resigning himself to a boring night alone with nobody for company except the lousy hotel cable. It felt like forever before an elevator arrived, but he finally made it back to his room and slid his key into the lock. He flipped the light on and kicked his shoes off, then reached for his t-shirt and tugged it over his head. It hit the bed without a sound, and he reached for the button on his jeans. His plan was a long, hot shower, the kind he usually reserved for the first day back after crab season. The idea was to make it as hot as he could stand, then turn it up a little more, until he wasn't thinking about anything but the sting of the water on his skin.

He was unbuttoning his jeans when a knock on the door broke the silence, and he frowned as he buttoned his jeans again and crossed the room. His brother wouldn't bother knocking, and Josh couldn't think of anybody else who might come looking for him. Then again, the hotel had been full of fans just a couple hours ago, and it was possible one of them spotted him in the lobby and followed him upstairs. Only it wasn't an overeager fan on the other side of the door, and Josh felt his heart skip a beat when he opened it to find Jake standing in front of him.

"Hey," he said before he could stop himself. If Jake was here for the reason Josh thought -- hoped -- he was, there was no reason for talking. He could just grab the front of Jake's shirt and pull him forward, plant a kiss on those lips and keep his eyes open the whole time just to see if Jake would close his. He glanced down the hall, half expecting to see some of the other guys hanging around, but Jake was alone. Josh's heart pounded against his ribcage, heat rising up his chest as Jake took a step forward, then another until Josh could feel the air shift as Jake leaned in.

"You gonna let me in or what?" he asked, the words warming Josh's cheek and making his throat go dry. He swallowed once, then again before he gave up on answering altogether and just stepped aside to let Jake inside.

~

Jake was pretty sure no one noticed him leaving the bar just after Josh. Nobody called after him to find out where he was going, anyway, so when he reached the restrooms he just kept on walking until he found himself in the lobby. Josh had a decent head start, but Jake figured it couldn't be too hard to find him. They were all staying on the same floor, anyway, and if he took the stairs two at a time he might even catch up with him before Josh got back to his room.

When he reached their floor he found the hallway empty, but there was a door swinging shut about halfway down, and Jake assumed Josh was behind it. It was worth a shot, anyway, and if it turned out to be one of the other guys...well, Jake would think of an excuse when the door opened. He knocked hard and then took a step backwards, hands in his pockets while he waited for the door to open again. When it did he found Josh staring back at him, mouth open and his eyes kind of wide, like he was surprised to find Jake standing there. He'd already stripped down to his jeans, which was handy, because it saved Jake the trouble of getting him out of his clothes.

"Hey," Josh said, blinking at him like maybe he thought he was imagining Jake standing there. It was cute, but if he stood here much longer someone was going to spot them, so Jake took a step forward, then another one. "You gonna let me in or what?"

For a second Josh hesitated and Jake thought he might say no, that this was a bad idea or maybe that Jake had the wrong idea altogether. But a second later he stepped aside and let Jake brush past him, letting the door close behind him and sliding the chain into place before he turned to look at Jake again. Josh was taller than him, but Jake didn't let that stop him from pushing Josh backwards, pressing his back against the door and sliding a hand around the back of Josh's neck. Josh tilted his head as he leaned down to meet Jake, breathing in hard when Jake pushed his tongue past Josh's teeth to taste stale cigarette smoke and cheap beer.

He'd been wondering since the last time they saw each other how this would go, and when Josh's hands landed on his shoulders, fingers moving hesitantly like he wasn't sure what to do with them, Jake had his answer. Josh was going with shy, as it turned out, but Jake could work with that. In fact, now that he was kissing Josh, he couldn't remember why he'd ever thought anything could be hotter than Josh pressed up against a wall, leaning hard into Jake and flexing long fingers against Jake's shirt while Jake's hands slid down his chest to unbutton his jeans. Josh was murmuring something against his mouth, soft at first but as soon as Jake's hand slid inside his jeans he flattened his hands against Jake's shoulders and pushed until Jake looked up at him.

"Isn't...isn't somebody going to notice you bailed early?"

"Even if they do, they'll be so drunk by the end of the night they won't remember in the morning."

Josh sucked in a harsh breath as Jake's hand started moving, hips thrusting in time with Jake's fingers and even that was hot. Jake took his time, pressing just hard enough to make Josh's chest flush but not hard enough to end things before they even started. He slid his free hand into Josh's hair, gripping at the back of his neck and tugging him forward again. Josh leaned in to meet him, breath hot against Jake's mouth to brush their lips together. "What about your brother?"

For a second he was sure he'd blown it, because Josh's hand clamped down on the wrist that was still working in and out of his jeans. But they were still so close they were breathing the same air, and Jake could feel the words against his skin when Josh answered. "He can take a hint."

Jake wasn't sure what that meant; maybe Josh's brother knew they were up here together, or maybe they had some sort of system Jake didn't know about. He didn't care, either, because Josh's hands were moving again, pulling Jake's shirt off and tossing it...somewhere before he pushed Jake backwards. When his legs collided with the edge of the bed Jake sat down hard, bouncing a little on the mattress before he caught his balance. He grinned up at Josh and reached out to hook a finger through one of Josh's belt loops, then he tugged hard. Josh had a second to register what was happening before he lost his balance, one knee hitting the mattress and sending him sprawling onto his back.

"Asshole," Josh said, but he didn't look all that pissed. In fact, he was already reaching for his jeans, lifting his hips off the bed long enough to push them down before he kicked them onto the floor. And okay, not so shy after all, Jake thought, but he could work with that too. He could definitely work with that, he thought, grinning as he planted one hand on either side of Josh's shoulders and leaned in to kiss him again.

A hook-up was a hook-up, and this one wasn't really any different, but Jake had to admit he liked kissing Josh. He liked the way their mouths fit together, liked the brush of Josh's beard against his skin and the way his hands slid down Jake's back to settle against his ass. As soon as he thought it Josh's grip tightened, pulling Jake flush and rocking up hard against him. Jake was still wearing his jeans, but now he wished he'd taken the time to pull them off. He could feel the heat radiating off Josh, could feel his cock hard against Jake's thigh every time he thrust up, and he knew how much better it could be. But stopping long enough to take off the rest of his clothes meant he had to stop kissing Josh, and he _really_ liked kissing Josh.

There were plenty of other places on Josh to kiss, too, like the underside of his chin and the pale skin along his neck. Jake kissed his weirdly shaped ear right at the base, tongue flicking out to surprise a little gasp out of him. He grinned and moved lower, teeth grazing Josh's skin as he worked his way down Josh's chest. He had a lot of ink; that Chinese shit or whatever on his arms, and a thick black design across his back. His chest was bare, though, and Jake liked running his fingers over all that pale skin, tracing Josh's ribs and then down to the sharp angle of his hipbones.

Josh arched up into his touch, his legs parting even further in the process. Jake took the invitation, settling between them and palming Josh's cock while he opened his mouth against Josh's stomach. He felt Josh shudder under him, grinned against his skin and let his hand slide between Josh's legs, pressing against the thin skin behind his balls. "Fuck," Josh hissed through gritted teeth. His fingers were clenched around the bedspread on either side of him, hips moving in a frantic rhythm. Jake pulled his hand away long enough to slide a finger into his mouth, gaze locked on Josh while he got it as wet as he could. The whole time Josh was watching, eyes sort of glazed over and chest flushed, and he looked even hotter like this than Jake had imagined.

It was almost a shame to give up the view, but Josh wasn't going to wait forever. Neither of them could, and Jake's own neglected cock twitched in his jeans as he watched Josh watching him. Finally he pulled his hand away from his mouth and leaned over, balancing his weight on one elbow as he swallowed Josh's cock and pressed one spit-slick finger inside him. Josh moaned and spread his legs even wider, one hand sliding into Jake's hair and the other still gripping the bedspread like it was the only thing keeping him on the bed.

When Jake thought about how this thing between them might play out, he hadn't expected a whole lot in the way of privacy. Mostly he'd pictured the two of them pressed up against a wall somewhere, maybe in a bathroom or an unlocked closet somewhere. A hotel room had never figured into things, and he definitely hadn't expected the luxury of stretching out on a bed and taking his time. So he hadn't showed up prepared to fuck Josh, but he was pretty sure now that Josh would have let him. He might even have a condom in his stuff somewhere, but Jake didn't stop to ask. He couldn't, because he was too busy matching Josh's thrusts with his mouth, finger working in and out of him a little deeper with each stroke.

He could tell how close Josh was when his fingers tightened in Jake's hair, so Jake pulled his mouth away from Josh's cock to suck at the crease just below his hip bone. He worked Josh's cock with his free hand, fist moving fast in time with the frantic thrusts of Josh's hips. Josh tensed, arching up into Jake's hand and tightening around the finger still buried inside him as he came on Jake's fingers and his stomach. Jake grinned and eased his finger out, wiping his other hand on the bedspread before he crawled over Josh to press their lips together again.

An arm slid around his shoulders, long fingers splayed across his back as they kissed. Jake could hear Josh's harsh breathing, feel warm puffs of air on his cheek and the chest rising and falling heavily under him. Josh was kissing him back like he might never get another chance, his whole body arching up to meet the lazy thrusts of Jake's hips. Jake pulled back just far enough to look down at him, and when he found Josh staring up at him he felt a weird tightening in his chest. "You don't have any rubbers, do you?"

Josh shook his head against the comforter, and he looked even sorrier about it than Jake. "I wasn't exactly planning on this."

"Yeah, me neither." It wasn't exactly the truth, but it was close enough. Josh laughed, anyway, so Jake grinned and leaned in to kiss him again. Josh's hand slid into his hair, his other hand landing on Jake's hip and when Jake felt himself rolling backwards he didn't put up a fight. Somehow he ended up on his back without ever breaking the kiss, and the hand that had been resting on his hip slid down to pull one of Jake's legs over Josh's waist. Jake moaned against Josh's mouth and thrust up hard against him, but he couldn't get the friction he wanted while he was still wearing his jeans. He made a frustrated noise against Josh's mouth and pushed a hand between them, fumbling with the button of his jeans until Josh took the hint and sat up long enough to help him.

Together they wrestled his jeans down as far as his knees, but when Jake realized he was still wearing his sneakers he paused long enough to kick them off. It wasn't as easy as he was expecting while his legs were trapped by denim, though, and after a few seconds of frustration and a lot of laughing on Josh's part, Josh slid off the bed to pull Jake's shoes off. His socks were next, and Jake lifted himself up on his elbows to watch Josh kneeling on the floor in front of him, grinning as he reached for Jake's jeans and tugged until they hit the floor.

When he was finished Josh ran his hands up Jake's legs from his ankles to his thighs, muscles flexing under all those tattoos as he pushed himself off the floor and crawled over Jake again. "You always need this much help getting undressed?" Josh asked, grinning at Jake close up now.

"Shut up." Jake hooked a hand behind Josh's neck and pulled him down for another kiss, lips parting to let Josh's tongue slide past his teeth. A hand slid between them and wrapped around his cock, and Jake was glad Josh's tongue was in his mouth so he wouldn't cry from the relief of Josh finally touching him. He rocked up into Josh's grip, the hand not gripping Josh's hair flexing against his shoulder as he tried to pull Josh even closer. He was breathing hard and he knew he wasn't going to last, but he couldn't make himself care. Not when Josh was pressing kisses down the length of his throat, murmuring encouragement and twisting his grip on Jake's cock with each downward stroke.

Jake was right at the edge when he heard a new sound, a rattling that made his whole body tense up. "Josh," he whispered, but it sounded more like a prayer than a warning, and all it got him was another kiss pressed against his shoulder. He reached down and gripped the hand that was working his cock, then he said _Josh_ again, a little louder this time. "There's somebody at the door."

Instantly Josh tensed and looked up, turning his head to stare at the door for a second. The key rattled one more time in the lock and then turned, but whoever was on the other side -- Josh's brother, Jake figured -- hit the chain and let out a muffled curse. The door closed, but Josh stayed frozen above him for another second. When no one knocked he turned back to Jake, letting go of his cock to lace their fingers together and lift Jake's hands over his head. "Like I said, he can take a hint."

So the chain was the signal, which meant Josh had kicked his brother out of his room before. He wondered if Josh's brother knew who he was in here with. He wondered who else Josh had brought back to his room; pictured Josh doing this with somebody else and wanted to ask who, but at the same time he wasn't sure he wanted a face to go with the image. He was saved the trouble of deciding when Josh kissed him, slow this time like he was trying to memorize it. Jake wanted to wrap his arms around Josh and pull him closer, to rock up against him until he finally found enough friction to bring him over the edge. Josh's hips were moving, but his pace was way too slow to get Jake what he needed and unless he wanted to put up a fight, Jake didn't have much choice but to let him take his time.

He could hear voices out in the hall, talking too loud in that way people did when they'd been drinking. The rest of the guys were stumbling back from the bar, headed for their rooms to crash so they could wake up with a headache and head for the airport. Jake still didn't know who his roommate was, and if Josh's brother was going to crash somewhere else...but he wasn't spending the whole night with Josh. That was way too big a risk, no matter how much he liked the thought of waking up and doing this all over again.

He thought he heard one of the Hillstrands laugh out in the hall, and it hit him how weird it was to be straining up against Josh's grip when the rest of the guys were just on the other side of the door. Josh's hands slid down his arms and he pictured how they'd look to anyone who happened to open the door right now. Jake half expected to hear the chain rattle again, but the only sound in the room was his own harsh breath and his pulse pounding against his eardrums. Then Josh's mouth left his to open against his neck, and Jake heard the sound of his own voice. And Jesus, he was begging, but he couldn't stop himself from saying _fuck_ and _please_ over and over as Josh finally slid a hand between them again.

Josh's grip was rough this time, hard and fast and Jake still strained for more. Josh sucked hard on the side of his neck, and Jake pressed up into that sensation too, and when Josh's tongue slid over his skin he let out a moan and came. It was sudden and messy and not even close to everything he wanted from Josh, but it was what he was going to get. He wasn't sure how long he laid there, eyes closed and listening to the sound of his own breathing while Josh kissed his way across Jake's shoulders and back up the other side of his neck. When Josh reached his chin Jake turned into the kiss, eyes still closed but somehow their mouths connected anyway. He knew he couldn't stay much longer; the voices in the hall had died down now, and soon it would be safe to risk letting himself out of Josh's room without being spotted. But he should probably wait a little while, he reasoned as an arm slid around his waist to pull him close. A few more minutes wouldn't hurt; maybe he'd just wait until Josh fell asleep, and then he wouldn't even have to say goodbye.

~

"Where do you think you're going?"

Josh froze with his keys in hand, three feet from the back door and freedom. There were a few different ways he could play this: he could pretend he didn't know what day it was, that he'd made plans and he couldn't break them now, so they'd just have to watch without him for once. He could tell the truth, which was that the last thing in the world he wanted to do tonight was watch the _Northwestern's_ new greenhorn learn the ropes on his father's TV while his sisters all made catcalls every time he showed up on screen. They all thought he was cute, and Josh wasn't going to disagree. He wasn't going to mention just how well he knew Jake, either, but that didn't mean he wanted to sit there while they talked about his eyes or his smile or his ass.

He wasn't about to say all that out loud either, though, so in the end he went with the first excuse he thought they might buy. "We're out of Coke."

"Taken care of," one of his sisters said as she brushed past him, paper bag full of six-packs in hand. Before Josh could think fast enough to get out of there she pulled a fifth of Captain Morgan out of the bag too, setting it on the counter next to the Cokes. "I got you covered, little brother."

"Thanks," Josh said, forcing a grin so she wouldn't start yelling at him for being ungrateful. "What do I owe you?"

"Forget it," she answered. "We know how much Dad pays you."

Josh scowled as they laughed, but he pushed past them into the kitchen and poured himself a drink anyway. There was no way he was getting out of this now, at least not without a lot of pissed off women bitching at his voicemail for the next week. So he took a deep breath and a swallow of Captain and Coke -- heavy on the Captain -- and he let his sisters drag him into the family room.

Before he was on the show, Josh looked forward to Tuesday nights at his dad's house. Most of his sisters usually showed up, and in a lot of ways it was like having a family reunion every week. His sisters all had a great time teasing Jake about how he was going to put Phil in the hospital any day now, and it was easy for Josh to laugh along with them when he wasn't the one at the center of all the attention.

Once he started showing up on the TV alongside his brother, he looked forward to Tuesday nights a lot less. They were almost at the end of the season by now, but knowing he only had a couple more weeks to get through didn't make sitting through an hour of torture with his sisters any easier. Part of it was the usual stuff; his sisters had taken to calling him and his brother 'Princess', and they seemed to think Jake and Josh thought they could get away with whatever they wanted just because Phil was the captain. Which wasn't even true, though once he saw himself on TV, Josh couldn't deny that that was how it looked sometimes. Phil did let them get away with a lot, but he always had, and until now Josh had never thought anything of it. Now that he'd seen himself talking about Phil's gold card and arguing with him about how he ran the boat...well, he was thinking a lot more these days, anyway.

It was bad enough watching the show when it was just him, but once Opis started and Jake Anderson was on the TV every Tuesday night, he had to listen to his sisters salivating over him like they'd never seen a guy before. It meant a whole hour of Jake's dopey smile and his big blue eyes and that laugh...Jesus, that laugh. Now that Josh had heard it close up he wasn't sure he could sit still and watch like nothing had happened. Like he didn't know what Jake's hands felt like on him, like he wasn't thinking about the way Jake kissed or the high, almost painful sound he made right before he came.

At least he'd made that noise the one time Josh had made him come. If he'd stuck around there might have been a second time to compare it with, but Josh knew why he didn't. There was a way bigger chance of them getting caught if Jake never went back to his room at all; even if nobody saw him sneak out of Josh's room in the morning, he had a roommate who'd wonder where he'd been all night. So he didn't have a choice, but that didn't make it any easier for Josh to keep his mouth shut when Jake got out of bed and pulled his clothes back on.

He'd been drifting right on the edge of sleep when Jake got up, moving slow so he wouldn't make any noise as he pulled his clothes back on. Josh watched him get dressed, back to the bed and shoulders flexing as he pulled on and buttoned his jeans. It was tempting to say something, to tell him it was cool and he didn't have to sneak out. But telling Jake he wasn't going to make a big deal out of it was the same as making a big deal out of it, so instead Josh stayed where he was and pretended he wasn't watching Jake leave.

So it was a one-time thing. Josh knew going into it that they weren't going to start dating or anything; Jake wasn't going to show up at his door or meet his family -- not like that, anyway -- and he sure as hell wasn't going to call. It was just opportunity, and even if it never happened again it had been worth the risk. At least he knew what it was like to kiss Jake now, and that meant he could stop wondering and get on with his life.

"Hurry up, you're missing it," one of his sisters said, dragging him down onto the couch next to her and nearly spilling his drink.

"Ooh, there's the other Jake. He's a cutie."

"Yeah, and he's single, too. Hey, when are you guys going to introduce us?"

One of their sisters smacked Jake in the arm as she said it, and Josh watched as he rolled his eyes. He glanced over his shoulder, gaze landing on Josh just for a second before he turned to their sisters. "Not that I'd wish any of you on the guy, but it wouldn't do you any good anyway. I heard he has a girlfriend."

It shouldn't have surprised Josh to hear those words come out of his brother's mouth. He should have expected it, really, because that was how these things went. Jake was a fisherman; Josh had heard enough about him to know he'd been fishing salmon practically since he could walk, which meant openly dating a guy was probably out of the question in his family. So he had a girlfriend, maybe to keep his folks happy, or maybe he really liked her, and he just hooked up with other people when he had the chance. Either way, it didn't make any difference to Josh, and he knew better than to react in a room full of his sisters.

"Where'd you hear that?" he said anyway, regretting it as soon as the words came out of his mouth. He hadn't meant to say them at all; he'd been telling himself not to ask when his mouth opened all on its own and the question just spilled right out. And judging by the look Jake shot him, it sounded just as bad as Josh thought.

"I heard Edgar saying something to Nick about Jake's girl getting jealous about all the attention he'll be getting." Jake was looking at the TV again, watching Keith bitch about something without really listening to whatever he was saying. "There were a lot more girls than usual at their table last week."

"What's the matter, Jakey, you mad that you're not the only pretty young thing for the girls to make eyes at anymore?" one of their sisters said, and Josh was grateful enough for the change of subject that he didn't bother pointing out that he was sitting right here. They'd just tell him he didn't count anyway, and he didn't really want to remind them of why right now. Instead he let Jake argue with them about whether or not the new Jake was moving in on his territory, and he stared at the TV and told himself it didn't matter if Jake was dating some girl.

~

Jake took a lot of shit for the video game thing. A _lot_ , and he couldn't even blame the guys on his crew, because if it had been one of them showing up in some game about crab fishing, Jake would have laid it on just as thick. The worst part was that the game hadn't even come out yet, and as soon as it did they'd all get a look at it and then it would start all over again. And it wasn't like Jake _wanted_ to fly to L.A. and spend a whole week reading a bunch of stupid dialogue in some sound studio, but the rest of the crew was doing it, and Jake knew better than to refuse.

So he said okay when the producer called to tell him about it, and a few days later he got a plane ticket and a schedule in the mail. This trip didn't interfere with salmon season, at least, which meant he didn't have to feel guilty about ditching his uncle again. It meant spending the last three weeks of the season on the boat with the rest of the crew, though, and it got a little harder to laugh it off every time one of them referred to him as "Hollywood" or "the celebrity".

It wasn't like he'd asked for any of this. All he'd wanted was a job on a crab fishing boat; it wasn't his fault his career break came with all this other stuff. Mostly he didn't mind it all that much, but the guys he'd known for years were treating him differently all of a sudden, and he wasn't crazy about that. By the time the season ended he was just glad to get a break from his crew, and he found himself almost looking forward to L.A. just because he'd be around other guys who knew what it was like.

Then there was the whole Josh thing. He'd been trying not to think about it, mostly because it was a distraction he didn't need while he was working. There was a reason he didn't get into anything serious with anybody, and it was only partly because most of his family wouldn't understand. He'd worked the boats long enough to see that the guys with girls back home spent a lot more time moping around about how much they missed their families than the single guys, and letting yourself get distracted by what was waiting for you back home was a good way to get yourself killed. It was even more complicated with Josh because he fished too, and that meant they were around a whole bunch of guys all the time who would have a big problem with the idea of the two of them.

Knowing all that didn't stop him from thinking about the way Josh laughed when Jake pushed him onto the mattress and climbed over him, though, or the way he arched up into Jake's hands. Hell, even smoking reminded him of kissing Josh, and if he was going to get half-hard just from lighting a cigarette he was going to have to think about quitting. He couldn't shake the memory of the look in Josh's eyes when Jake pushed a finger inside him, and he knew he wasn't going to stop thinking about it until he got a chance to fuck Josh for real. So it wasn't going to be a one-time thing after all, at least not if Jake could help it, and he was sort of surprised that the thought didn't bother him more.

So he was looking forward to getting out of Alaska and away from his old crew for awhile, but mostly he was hoping that when he got to L.A., Josh would be there. Only he'd been in town almost an entire day, and the only people he'd seen so far were the crew of the _Northwestern_ and some producers whose names he couldn't remember.

Once he actually saw the script they expected him to read, he wished he'd had a decent excuse to skip the video game altogether. It was still nice to see the guys and all, but the stuff they'd written for him...well, it was pretty dumb. Most of it was just random stuff about fishing and the weather, but somebody from the show must have heard about his 'girlfriend', because there were some lines in there about juggling girls in his cabin. Like that would ever happen on a crab boat, even if he really did have a girl to cheat on. Sig and Edgar thought it was hilarious, of course, and now instead of getting teased about being famous, he was getting teased about a girlfriend who didn't even exist.

The only person who didn't have much to say about it was Matt, and mostly he just didn't have much to say to Jake at all. They'd been roommates at the only Meet and Greet he'd attended so far, but they hadn't exactly bonded or anything. They'd barely spoken at all, because Matt had already crashed by the time Jake got back to the room, and he left to catch an early flight back to Seattle not long after Jake woke up. Not that Matt ever had much to say to him, when he wasn't calling him lazy and riding him to pull his head out and move faster. When he wasn't trying to make Jake look bad he was busy trying to make himself look good, which seemed like a waste of time to Jake, because Matt and Edgar had been friends forever. Sure, Sig threatened to fire Matt every time he did something wrong, but he was the laziest guy on board and he still had a job, so Jake was pretty sure it was never going to happen.

"That's a wrap, guys," the producer said, and Jake let out a deep breath and slid off the stool in the recording studio. The whole operation was like something out of a movie, and Jake hoped they weren't planning to make a whole lot of these games, because none of this was his idea of a good time.

He followed Sig out of the studio to a waiting room with overstuffed furniture that probably cost more than his parents' entire house. Edgar, Nick and Matt were there, sprawled on the couches and looking like they'd already started getting used to living this way.

"So how're the salmon treating you?" Edgar asked when Jake sat down next to him, clapping him on the shoulder and nearly knocking him off balance.

"About the same as the cod are treating you, I guess," Jake answered, grinning when Sig laughed. "So is anybody else here or what?"

"Just us this week," Edgar said, stamping out his cigarette against a huge glass ashtray sitting on one of the end tables.

"Why, you sick of your own crew already?" Matt asked, and something about the way he smirked at Jake made him tense.

"No," Jake answered. He didn't bother pointing out that everybody had friends on other crews; he didn't feel like arguing with Matt, for one thing, and if he brought up other crews they'd just keep hassling him until he told them who he'd been hoping to see. It wasn't even that he was hoping to see Josh; he wouldn't have _minded_ , but even if he was here there was no telling whether they'd get a chance for a conversation, let alone a repeat of what happened the last time they saw each other. "I was just wondering."

"Careful, we'll start to think you're not happy to see us," Matt said. And yeah, that was definitely a dig, only Jake wasn't sure what he was getting at. He opened his mouth to answer, but before he said anything that would make it worse Nick interrupted.

"Leave the kid alone. If I were him I wouldn't want to hang out with a bunch of old married guys all week either."

Edgar and Sid both laughed at that, and Jake forced what he hoped was a convincing smile. Then Sig stood up, groaning a little as he stretched. "Yeah, well, I don't like any of you much right now. All of you shut up and let's go get something to eat."

Jake followed the rest of them out of the studio and toward the car the show provided for the week. If the rest of the crews were here they'd all be going out to some bar to spend the whole night drinking and telling the same stories over and over, and Jake might get a chance to talk to Josh, at least. Instead he was in for four long days of listening to Sig and Edgar trade insults back and forth, and the next time he'd see Josh would be back in Dutch Harbor.

~

Somewhere around September Josh lost count of all the publicity events he'd done for the show. It felt like there was a new one every week, even though he knew it was more like once a month on average. All he really remembered about them was the fact that Jake never showed for any of them, even when the rest of the _Northwestern_ crew was there. It made sense; he'd joined the crew halfway through the season just last year, and Josh knew he had other stuff going on that he couldn't get out of. Jake worked the salmon boats in Bristol all summer, and Josh had asked around enough to know that not only did he work his uncle's boat, but he was more or less his uncle's right hand man.

He had better stuff to do than stand around signing autographs, and when the faces in the crowds started to blur together, Josh sort of envied him. Anyway, it was better that Jake wasn't around; that was what he told himself every time he caught himself wishing Jake would show up, because even if there was something between them, it wasn't going anywhere. Josh didn't advertise his personal life, especially not up in Dutch, but he didn't date guys who had girlfriends on the side, either. Okay, maybe he wasn't above hooking up with them when the opportunity presented itself, but they weren't going to get that many opportunities at a Meet and Greet. There were way too many cameras around, for one thing, too many people who recognized both of them and it was just too big a risk.

It was too big a risk the first time it happened, but Josh couldn't say he regretted it. At least he knew what he was missing now, and that was a lot better than wondering. So Jake was a great kisser and Josh wanted more; he was always going to want more, no matter how much Jake gave him. That didn't mean he was looking for Jake when his dad's truck pulled up in Dutch, and he wasn't wondering just how long it would be until they saw each other again. Mostly he was thinking that if he didn't take a break from his brother somebody was going to get hurt, and as soon as they unloaded their gear he made up some excuse about needing smokes and headed into town.

There wasn't much to do in Unalaska; it had gotten bigger since the show started, but it was still in the middle of nowhere, so a new community center and a hotel didn't exactly make it feel like he was back home in Seattle. When the fishermen were in town they kept the bar and the grocery stores in business, but there wasn't much else worth bothering with. Usually he'd just go to the grocery store for smokes, but there was a good chance of running into his father or his brother if he went to any of the usual places, so he headed for the gas station on the way out of town.

The road took him past the new skate park, and when he got close he could see that there were some kids out there. It was the middle of the week, which meant they were probably skipping school. Josh laughed to himself as he watched one of them do a complicated-looking flip and land at the bottom of the ramp, coasting to a stop in front of the other two kids. When he got a little closer he could see that two of them were native and the other one was white. The native kids had scruffy hair that hung around their shoulders, and the white kid had short hair that was mostly hidden under a baseball cap. There was something kind of familiar about him, and when he looked over and spotted Josh he realized why.

As soon as Jake saw him he said something to the two kids he'd been skating with and picked up his board, then he crossed the skate park and stopped at the edge of the road. He'd cut his hair since the last time Josh saw him, but his eyes were still as blue as Josh remembered, and when he smiled the back of Josh's neck heated up.

"Hey."

"Hey," Jake said, glancing past Josh for a second before he looked at him again. "I didn't hear you guys were in town."

"We just got here," Josh answered, ignoring the way his heart skipped when Jake as much as admitted he'd been asking around.

"Where's your brother?" Jake asked, looking past Josh again and it took him a second to realize he was expecting Josh's brother to be following him. Which, okay, wasn't usually that far off the mark.

Josh shrugged and dug his smokes out of his pocket, shaking one out of the pack and lighting it before he answered. "Knowing him, wherever the local girls are."

Jake laughed and Josh flashed back to the last time he'd heard that sound, close to his ear as Jake's hands slid across his skin. He felt his dick stir and resisted the urge to reach down and adjust it, because yeah, he still wanted Jake as much as ever, but he wasn't going to be pathetic about it. He glanced down the road in the direction he'd been heading, watching as a car pulled out of the gas station and headed for them. It kicked up gravel in its wake and Josh stepped off the road to let it pass, moving closer to Jake in the process.

He felt fingers slide against his hand and looked down in time to watch Jake pull the cigarette he was still holding out of his grip, then he watched Jake lift it to his mouth and take a drag. It was nothing; just sharing a smoke, but it was the kind of thing most of the guys in their line of work would classify as gay. Only they'd use a worse word than that, and when the car slowed down Josh looked to see if it was somebody they knew.

All he saw were a few women, though, and he could tell right away they weren't from around here. The one in the back seat was pointing at them and saying something to her friends, and when the car slowed even more Josh grabbed Jake's arm and pushed him toward the skate park. "Come on."

"What?" Jake said, but he let Josh drag him away from the road anyway.

"Tourists," Josh said. "If we don't get out of here we're going to be posing for pictures and signing autographs in about two minutes."

And one of these days he was going to kill Sig Hansen, because it was his fault Dutch was crawling with tourists at the beginning of every red crab season. The cruise ships had always brought some traffic, sure, but since the show started Sig docked at Dutch and put on a show all through cod season. He and Edgar got off on the attention, but for the rest of them it meant they could barely walk down the street without getting stopped by somebody looking for an autograph and an audience for their life story.

Jake glanced over his shoulder in the direction of the road, then he turned in the direction of the city hall building. "Come on."

Josh expected him to head toward the front door, but instead Jake skirted the edge of the building to the back. There was a door in the back of the building Josh had never noticed before, but it wasn't like he spent a whole lot of time hanging out at the skate park. "Isn't this locked?"

"Nah, the maintenance guy forgets all the time," Jake answered, glancing over his shoulder to flash a grin at Josh as he pulled it open.

Jake led him into a dimly lit hallway with doors down both sides. Josh hadn't spent much time in the city hall building -- he'd only been in there once that he could remember -- but he was pretty sure this wasn't a public area. The doors were all closed, for one thing, and there was no signs saying what anything was. He was pretty sure if they got caught they'd be in trouble, but it was better than staying outside and dealing with a carload of fans. Anyway, Jake seemed to know where he was going, and when he reached the end of the hall he pushed open a door and pulled Josh inside.

The light flickered on as the door closed behind him, and Josh could see they were in a bathroom. It was one of those single bathrooms, the kind without stalls and doors. Which meant there was a lock, and as soon as the thought occurred to Josh, Jake leaned into him and reached around to turn it.

~

Once the lock clicked into place Jake straightened up, but he didn't move out of Josh's personal space. He liked the way Josh felt pressed against him, and if they were going to hide out until the tourists gave up, they might as well make the most of their time.

"You...uh...spend a lot of time in here?" Josh asked, and Jake grinned at the way he tripped over the words. He hadn't expected Josh to get all nervous on him again, but it was kind of cute. For once he wasn't wearing a cap, and Jake reached out to run a finger over the shell of his ear. As soon as Jake touched him Josh ducked his head out of Jake's reach. He hadn't made a move to push off the door, but he wasn't touching Jake, either, and that was kind of weird.

"Not really," Jake answered. And nervous was one thing, but they couldn't stay in here forever, so Jake wasn't sure why Josh was wasting time making conversation "Not much time to skate when I'm up here. They've got a decent park, though."

"You skate a lot when you're home?"

"Some, yeah. Not as much as I used to."

"Yeah? Your girlfriend mind you spending all that time skating?"

It took Jake a second or two to figure out what he was talking about, but when he did he got what the problem was. Josh was jealous, which was almost as cute as the whole nervous thing. It should have bothered Jake that he cared whether or not Jake was seeing somebody else; this whole thing was all about opportunity, and it wasn't like either of them had time for a whole bunch of messy feelings. But Josh wanted him enough to get jealous about some girl who didn't even exist, and Jake kind of liked that. "Dude, I don't have a girlfriend."

"Look, I don't care if you do," Josh said, talking fast and Jake wasn't even sure if Josh had heard him. "It's not like I was expecting anything. But I'm not interested in messing up anybody else's life, either."

Maybe he should have just let Josh believe it, because both their lives would be a lot less complicated if they just cut their losses right now. If he let Josh believe there was some girl waiting for him back home, Josh would walk out that door and out of Jake's life and things would go back to the way they'd been at the end of last season. But then he'd never get to kiss Josh again, let alone run his tongue along the curve of Josh's ear. "There's no girlfriend," he said again, a little louder this time. "I just told Sig and Edgar that to get them off my back about the girls at the Meet and Greet."

For a second Josh just stared at him, like maybe he was trying to decide if Jake was lying. Then he looked away, and Jake could tell he was trying to act cool, but the tips of his ears were bright red. "Oh. Look, it still doesn't matter. I mean..."

But Jake wasn't really interested in hearing any more. What he wanted was to quit wasting time, and that meant shutting Josh up the fastest way he knew how. He took a step forward and closed his hand around the front of Josh's sweatshirt, hauling him forward and leaning up to plant a kiss square on his lips.

It took a couple seconds for Josh to catch up with him, but once he did he clamped his hands down on Jake's hips, pushing backwards until Jake found himself backed up against the wall. Jake expected another kiss, but Josh was just staring again, maybe trying to decide if he really wanted to go through with this. Then he dipped his head and pressed his mouth against Jake's neck, teeth grazing Jake's skin as his hands worked Jake's jeans open.

And that was more like it. Josh's beard scraped against his neck as his hand slid inside Jake's boxers, palming Jake's cock and stroking until Jake was completely hard. A hand pushed Jake's jacket open as Josh's mouth moved lower, tongue dipping into the hollow of his collar bone as Josh's fingers curled around the front of his t-shirt to tug the fabric out of his way. Jake arched up into Josh's mouth, hips moving in time with his hand as he worked his arms out of his jacket and let it fall to the floor. He thought about pulling his shirt off so he could feel the scratch of Josh's beard against his chest, but before he got the chance Josh was sliding to his knees in front of him.

He looked up at Jake as he pulled his cock out of his boxers, fingers wrapped around it and stroking slow while Jake watched. His free hand pushed Jake's shirt up toward his chest, then he pushed himself up far enough to mouth his way across Jake's stomach. Jake's breath hitched every time Josh's thumb slid across the head of his cock, and when Josh mouthed his way far enough down Jake's stomach to brush Jake's cock with his beard, his hips jerked harder than ever. It would have been embarrassing if he wasn't so turned on, but mostly he just wanted Josh to quit teasing him and get on with it. He reached down to run his fingers through Josh's hair, putting just enough pressure on the back of his head to let him know what Jake wanted. Josh took the hint, and when his mouth left Jake's stomach to wrap around the head of his cock, Jake braced his back against the wall and focused all his energy on not thrusting forward.

Josh's hand was still riding low on his chest, holding him back against the wall and keeping him from thrusting too hard into Josh's mouth. Jake forced his eyes open and looked down, watching his cock slide between wet, red lips. He hadn't started the day expecting this; he hadn't expected to run into Josh at all, because the last he heard the Harrises hadn't shown up for the season yet. So running into Josh was a surprise all on its own, but ending up locked in a bathroom with Josh on his knees in front of him...well, that was enough like some of Jake's better dreams to make him wonder if maybe he was still asleep. Except that his dreams never made him feel like every nerve ending in his body was on fire. If it was a dream he wouldn't notice the pressure of Josh's fingers pressing against his skin or the sound of his harsh breath when he pulled off until just the head of Jake's cock rested between his lips.

Josh's fingers wrapped around his shaft again as he worked Jake's head with his tongue, and Jake didn't bother trying to hold back the moan that escaped him. "Gonna come," he managed to grind out, but instead of pulling off and finishing him with his hand, Josh slid his mouth down Jake's length again.

"Seriously, I can't..." Jake said, panting the words between gasps for breath, and this time Josh did pull off long enough to look up at him.

"So do it already," Josh answered, grinning and reaching up to wipe a line of drool off his chin before he wrapped his lips around Jake's cock again. And that was all it took; a second later Jake was arching up against the hand on his hip and coming, and Josh swallowed around him before he pulled off enough to run his tongue along Jake's head again. By the time he quit shaking and managed to open his eyes Josh was standing in front of him, tugging his shirt back down over his stomach and tucking him back into his jeans.

Jake reached out to slide a hand around the back of Josh's neck, tugging him forward to press their lips together. He tasted salt and bitter on Josh's tongue, chasing the flavor until Josh was grinding against him. He reached between them, fumbling for Josh's zipper until he finally found it and managed to work it down. He felt his baseball cap sliding off, then Josh's hands were in his hair and Josh was breathing hard through his nose as Jake closed his hand around Josh's cock. He knew they were running out of time; the bottom floor of City Hall seemed deserted a lot of the time, but eventually someone was going to come along and try the bathroom door. Somebody who could get hold of a key, and if they knocked and didn't get an answer it probably wouldn't take long for them to get the door open.

He twisted his grip a little and pulled his mouth away from Josh's, looking down at the cock gripped in his hand and the steady rhythm of Josh's hips. "I really wanna fuck you," he said, gaze shifting back to Josh's face.

"What, here?" Josh asked, and Jake grinned at his confused expression. He let go of Josh's dick long enough to push him back against the wall, switching positions until Jake was standing in front of him.

"Not if we don't want to get caught," he answered as he closed his hand around Josh again and picked up the rhythm of Josh's thrusts.

"Then I guess...I guess we're gonna have to start planning a little better," Josh said, panting the words between shallow breaths. He was grinning right back at Jake, leaning back against the wall and just watching while Jake jerked him off. And even _that_ was hot, which was kind of weird, but Jake was starting to think that everything about Josh was hot. He slid the pad of his thumb across the tip of Josh's cock, watching as he moaned and let his eyes flutter closed.

 _Planning_ to hook up made things more serious than Jake was used to. Then again, if he'd been planning on seeing Josh today, he'd have some protection on him. It would be one thing if Josh was just another fisherman, because if they didn't see each other during the season, at least they could both hang around after payday, at least for the night. But he had a brother and a father who'd be hard to shake, so Jake couldn't count on seeing him after the season ended. Even if they were in port at the same time they wouldn't be able to do much about it, and that meant if Jake wanted more than a messy hand job in a bathroom somewhere, Josh was right: they were going to have to plan it.

He worked his hand a little faster, reaching up to grip the front of Josh's sweatshirt and pull him down for another kiss. Josh's lips parted to let Jake slide his tongue past Josh's teeth, breathing hard through his nose as he thrust into Jake's grip. When he heard a muffled whine he knew Josh was close, and when he slid his thumb across the head of Josh's cock again he thrust forward one last time and came in Jake's hand.

His mouth left Josh's to trail down his neck, tongue scraping against his whiskers and he wondered idly if he was going to have beard burn in the morning. Jake grinned at the thought and let go of Josh, backing away long enough to grab some toilet paper. He cleaned them both up before he tucked Josh back into his jeans and zipped him up, and when he looked up to find Josh watching him his chest tightened a little. "So how's it going to work?"

"What?" Josh asked, chest still rising and falling a little faster than usual.

"Planning. Even if we're in town at the same time, it's not like we can call ahead or anything."

Josh shrugged, head dipping for a second and when he smiled this time it was kind of shy. "I don't know. You ever get down to Seattle?"

Seattle. That was where Josh lived, Jake was pretty sure. It was over an hour from Anacortes, which was the furthest south Jake usually went. Making a trip to the city was a whole different level of planning, not to mention the story he'd have to make up to explain the trip to his family. He knew he should tell Josh to forget it, that it was too complicated and maybe they should just leave things the way they were. They could just leave it and if they got another chance to hook up, good, but if not, no big loss. Instead he found himself nodding, and when Josh grinned at him, he knew it was worth it. "I could make it to Seattle sometime, yeah."

~

Josh wasn't sure what it said about him that every time he lit a cigarette lately, he thought of Jake Anderson. Specifically Jake Anderson's fingers sliding against his as they pulled his smoke out of his hand and took a drag before he handed it back. It was a weird thing to focus on, considering everything that happened between them that day, but that was what he kept coming back to.

He pictured Jake's lips wrapping around the filter, the way his cheeks hollowed a little when he inhaled and the way he'd grinned at Josh as he handed the cigarette back. It didn't matter what Josh was doing -- filling bait bags, hauling pots, even taking fifteen between strings -- no matter where he was or who was around, every time he lit a fresh smoke, he flashed back to that smile. Which didn't make any sense, considering all the other stuff he could obsess about. Like the way Jake's lips looked wrapped around his cock, or the way he pulled Josh forward to kiss him, or the sound of his voice when he told Josh he wanted to fuck him.

Not that he didn't think about that stuff too. He thought about all of it, tried _not_ to think about it even more, and every time he caught himself thinking about the way Jake's fingers felt in his hair he was sure every guy on his crew could tell. Even a week later he was sure they could all smell Jake on him, that he'd left behind some mark to let everybody who looked at Josh know exactly what was going on between them.

It was stupid, because Jake had been doing this job long enough to know better than to leave evidence behind, and he hadn't left so much as a bruise on Josh's neck. There was a part of Josh that sort of wished he had, just so he could convince himself that it had happened and he hadn't dreamed the whole thing. But he knew how hard it would be to explain that away, and he wasn't interested in making life harder for his father. His brother was already doing enough of that for both of them, and Josh wasn't planning to let his personal life cause any headaches for Phil.

Still, he was kind of grateful that his brother was a selfish little pain in the ass. He was going to put their old man in the hospital one of these days, but at least when he bought that stupid flat screen he took some of the heat off Josh. The rest of the guys still rode Josh about being green when they were on deck, sure, but during meals they were all busy taking bets on whether or not Phil really would take the cost of the TV out of Jake's paycheck.

And that was fine with Josh, because it meant nobody noticed when an image of Jake grinning at him flashed in his mind, and nobody noticed the heat creeping up his neck when he remembered Jake saying, "Dude, I don't have a girlfriend". And yeah, he was pretty embarrassed that he'd acted like a jealous boyfriend, but Jake didn't seem to mind. In fact, he seemed pretty determined to make sure Josh knew he was single. If he wasn't interested in anything more than a hook-up he could have let Josh believe there was some girl back home, fed him a line about them having an understanding or whatever, and Josh probably would have caved. But he told Josh the truth -- at least he wanted to believe it was the truth -- and he'd as good as promised that they'd see each other in the off-season.

"I bet Josh agrees with me."

He blinked and looked up at the sound of his name to find the other guys watching him across the table. He'd been on automatic pilot since they sat down for breakfast, shoveling food in without even paying attention to what he was eating. He hadn't been following the conversation, either, but it was obvious they were all waiting for him to say something. "What?"

"No way, Josh is the smart one. He knows better than to hope Phil makes him pay for the TV. If he does that, think of all the other stuff they won't be able to get away with anymore."

"I'm not trying to get away with anything," Josh said. He lifted his coffee and swallowed a mouthful, glancing at his brother over the top of the mug. Truth was he was pretty sure Phil wouldn't make Jake pay for the TV, but he knew Phil should. He _was_ way too easy on both of them, but it wasn't like Josh was going to say that out loud, and he definitely wasn't going to say it where his brother could hear him.

"Suck-up," Jake said, and Josh rolled his eyes as the rest of them laughed.

"I'm not sucking up to anybody," Josh answered, draining his coffee mug and picking up his plate to carry it to the sink. "It's called growing up, little brother. Maybe you should try it."

He knew he'd just bought himself an even harder time out on deck for the rest of the day, and he'd probably regret not just keeping his mouth shut more than once in the next thirty-six hours. But it was true; they weren't kids anymore, and between stress about the boat falling apart and the cough Phil hadn't been able to shake since the season started, Josh figured it was about time they stopped making even more trouble for their old man.

~

"Move it, Junior. I don't plan on carrying your slow ass all season."

"Maybe you should quit running your mouth and do your job for a change."

"How about you come over here and make me."

It was tempting to smack Matt's smirk right off his face. He'd been on Jake since they got on board, acting like Jake was the lazy one when the truth was, Matt moved slower than all of them. At least when he wasn't running his mouth to the cameras; he could _talk_ them all under the table, that much Jake had to give him. Turned out being Edgar's lackey meant the rules didn't apply to him, though, because he got away with a lot more than most guys would.

"Both of you shut the hell up," Edgar said, stepping between them to grab his gear.

"Not my fault Junior here can't take a joke," Matt said, still smirking at him over Edgar's shoulder, and Jake rolled his eyes and pulled his gloves on.

"Fuck off," Jake said, scowling even harder when Matt and Edgar both laughed.

"What crawled up your ass? You having girl trouble or something?" Edgar asked, eyeing Jake as he pulled his gear on.

Jake shook his head, making sure his gloves were secure over his sleeves. He didn't have to look up to know they were both watching him, Matt still smirking like he knew some secret. Jake had no idea what his problem was, and the truth was he didn't really care. He was here to do a job, and if Matt didn't like him for some reason, that was his problem. Still, Edgar's question gave him a chance to clear something up, so he looked up and shrugged. "Nah, man, no problem. We broke up."

Edgar's eyebrows went up at that, like maybe he'd been expecting Jake to start whining about how much he missed her or something. Maybe Jake should have given him a different answer; keeping up the girlfriend lie would make things easier for him when they were dealing with fans, but if it bothered Josh enough to put the brakes on whatever was going on with them, it wasn't worth it.

"Sure sounds like a problem to me," Edgar said, and Jake had to work hard not to laugh at his expression. "What happened?"

"She dumped me. Guess she couldn't handle the idea of me being gone all the time. Anyway, it's not a big deal. She could be a real bitch when she wanted to."

"Now you're starting to sound like Matt." Edgar clapped him on the shoulder and shoved him toward the door, and Jake braced himself for the cold and pulled the door open. "Whatever, just as long as you've got your head in the game."

"You don't have to worry about me," Jake answered, and that much, at least, wasn't a lie.

~

Josh wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting in the bar, sharing a table with his brother without really saying much. He knew they were both thinking the same thing; Phil was sick, and he wouldn't do anything about it, and one of these days he was going to push himself so far that he'd just drop right in the wheelhouse, and that would be it. They'd been joking about the inevitability practically their whole lives, so he knew they should be prepared for it, but there was a big difference between jokes and actually watching their father start to fall apart.

Worrying about their old man made their jobs a lot harder, though, and between Phil and worrying about the crab count Josh hadn't had time to think about much else. So he wasn't thinking about Jake when the door to the bar swung open, but when Josh looked up and saw the _Northwestern_ crew, his heart skipped a beat. His fucking _heart_ , which meant he was already in way over his head. That didn't stop him from looking, though, and when Jake spotted him and headed across the bar Josh's stomach did a weird little flip.

"Hey," Jake said, pulling out a chair and dropping into it with the same weariness they all felt by now. It was the first time they'd seen each other since before the season started, and now that the season was half over it was hard to believe that hour in the basement of City Hall even happened. But Jake was sitting with them like he belonged there -- like they did this all the time -- and Josh was pretty sure it meant he hadn't imagined the other times they'd been together.

"Hey," his brother said, and Josh tried not to blush when he remembered that they weren't alone. "So how's your first red crab season treating you?"

Jake Anderson shrugged, fishing a pack of smokes out of his pocket and reaching for Josh's lighter where it rested on the table. "Pretty good, I guess. It'd be better if Matt wasn't such a dick all the time."

Josh and his brother both laughed at that; they'd known Matt long enough to be thankful they didn't have to work with him, even after he quit drinking.

"He used to be worse," Josh said, glancing over his shoulder to make sure the rest of Jake's crew was out of earshot. "Back when he was drinking nobody could deal with him but Edgar."

"Yeah, well, I just wish he'd get off my back," Jake said. He leaned over the table to reach for the ashtray, dragging it toward him. In the process his knee pressed against Josh's thigh, and Josh flashed back to that first night, when Jake followed him back to his hotel room. "I don't know what he's got against me, but if he doesn't shut his mouth I'm going to shut it for him."

Josh watched his brother shake his head, and before he even said anything Josh knew what he was thinking. "That's a good way to get fired. You can fight with anybody you want, as long as they're not on your crew. Most of the captains up here like to keep a clean house, and Sig's the worst of all of them."

It was kind of weird, sitting at a table with Jake Anderson and his little brother, listening to them talk about whether or not it was worth it to get in one good swing before Sig fired him. Personally, Josh didn't think it was worth it, but he'd never had to work with Matt, either. Anyway, he and his brother couldn't really talk, because their old man ran the boat they worked on, so for all they knew the rest of the crew felt the same way about them that Jake felt about Matt. He hoped Freddie and Murray and the rest of the guys didn't secretly want to knock out either of them, but there were days when Josh probably wouldn't blame them if they did.

"Sig's all right," Jake said, glancing over his shoulder like he was worried that Sig might hear his name and think Jake was talking trash about his own crew. Loyalty went a long way up here, and Josh was willing to bet it was important on the salmon boats, too. It looked good on Jake, either way, and it was kind of cute that he felt the need to defend his captain to the two of them.

"Sig's cool," Josh said just as the bar door swung open again, and he looked up at the rush of cold air to find Murray scanning the crowd. When he spotted Josh he motioned in the direction of the dock, and Josh nodded and looked at his brother. "We gotta go."

He stood up and pocketed his lighter, hesitating for a second before he reached out and squeezed Jake's shoulder. "Be careful out there, man. Try not to toss anybody overboard before you even make full share."

The grin it got him was worth the risk, and Josh grinned back and turned to follow his brother out of the bar. He was still grinning when they stepped out into the cold, tugging their collars up against the wind and heading for the dock. He hadn't been expecting to run into Jake in port; this was one of those situations Jake was talking about when he said they couldn't call ahead and arrange to meet up, and it made running into him sort of awkward. But it was kind of cool, too, because Jake had just sat with them like he belonged there. Like he _wanted_ to hang out with Josh, even if it wasn't leading up to anything.

He was still grinning when he looked over to find his brother watching him, and when their eyes met Jake shook his head. "He still got a girlfriend?" Jake asked, nodding in the direction of the bar.

"Nope. Never did." Josh tried to wipe the grin off his face, but he could tell by the way Jake rolled his eyes that it was a losing battle. "Nice to know you care, though, little brother."

Jake ducked out of reach when Josh tried to slide an arm around his shoulders, but he was laughing when he straightened up again. "You are so fucking weird."

He was still laughing, but Josh tensed anyway when Jake's words sank in. They didn't talk about this stuff much -- he didn't talk about his personal life with anybody in his family, really -- but Jake was around him more than their brother or any of their sisters, so it was hard to keep anything from him. He hadn't set out to date a fisherman, but he wasn't surprised Jake had figured it out. What he didn't expect was for Jake to get all weirded out about the fact that he was dating a guy when he'd had almost four years to get used to the idea.

"Seriously," Jake said, and Josh swallowed a sigh when he realized they were going to have this conversation whether Josh liked it or not. He felt himself tensing and tried to relax, but the last thing he felt like doing was defending his personal life to his own brother. "I mean, dude, he's got the same name as me."

Okay, so maybe they weren't going to have that conversation after all. Josh laughed as the tension drained out of him, catching Jake's shoulders for real this time and squeezing not quite hard enough to hurt. "Yeah, I know. I try not to hold it against him."

~

The next time Jake saw Josh was after the season ended. Which was way too long when he thought about it, but the truth was he didn't really think about it until he actually saw Josh again. While they were fishing he mostly thought about keeping up, about getting things right the first time and not making any bonehead mistakes that would get him in trouble with Edgar. He tried _not_ to think about how much he didn't like Matt, but after Matt nearly got them both fired it was even harder to ignore how much Jake hated him. So he was kind of glad when the season ended, if only so he wouldn't have to deal with Matt for awhile.

Once he was off the boat he had time to think about other things, like the fact that he'd more or less agreed to hook up with Josh during the off-season. They never bothered to work out the details, though, like when or where or for how long. It would be easy enough to take it back; all he had to do was go home. The _Cornelia Marie_ still wasn't back by the time they finished offloading, and if Jake wanted to avoid seeing Josh, he had a perfect excuse. Josh couldn't even be mad, because it wasn't like there was a good excuse for Jake to hang around after his season was over.

But the thing was, Jake didn't want to take it back. He liked Josh, more than he'd liked anybody in a long time -- maybe ever -- and he'd meant it when he said he wanted to fuck Josh. Just thinking about it was enough to make his eyes glaze over, so he'd worked hard not to think about it at all while he was on the boat. Now, though...now all he had was time to kill, and not much else to think about. Except maybe what he was doing haunting the docks in the middle-of-nowhere Alaska, chain smoking like his last name was Harris and watching the last boats trickle in long after he should have gone home.

Every time someone walked by Jake tensed, bracing himself for the question he knew was coming. Eventually one of the guys working the dock was going to notice him and ask what he was doing, and it wasn't like he had a good answer. "Waiting for my boyfriend" wouldn't exactly fly, even if he knew for sure it was true. "Boyfriend" was kind of a stretch; they'd hooked up a few times, sure, and he knew he wanted to keep seeing Josh, but they didn't even live in the same town. The only time they were in the same place for more than a night they were surrounded by cameras and guys who'd turn on them pretty damn fast if they found out the truth, so it wasn't like they had much chance at a relationship.

Even if they did, Jake wasn't exactly an expert. He'd never really cared one way or the other, at least not enough to commit to more than the occasional hook-up. He wasn't even sure if he cared that much this time, but it was kind of nice to come into port and see a friendly face he hadn't been staring at for days on end out on the water. Like the time he ran into Josh and his brother in the bar; even though they hadn't gotten a chance to so much as touch, Jake had felt better just talking to him.

Which meant he was totally fucked, because he didn't know what he was doing, but he was doing it anyway. And he must be pretty far gone if talking to Josh's brother while Josh just sort of _looked_ at him made him feel better. It got him through the rest of a long, frustrating season, though, and it was the only reason he could think of for why he was standing around in the cold waiting for Josh to show up.

He'd started to leave and then stopped again at least a dozen times by the time the _Cornelia Marie_ finally sailed into the harbor. When he caught sight of it Jake panicked, the urge to bolt rising up in him all over again. His legs didn't seem to want to cooperate, though, so he stood frozen on the dock and watched as the boat got closer. And he didn't have a plan for this part; it wasn't like he could just walk down the dock and stand there waiting for them to tie up the boat, then ask if he could talk to Josh for a minute. Maybe if it was just Josh and his brother, but his old man was on board, not to mention the rest of the crew. What he should have done was gone home and taken his chances that Josh was listed; it would have been a lot safer than hanging around just for a chance to talk to somebody he wasn't even supposed to know all that well.

It wasn't too late. He could turn around and head for the airport right now, get his stuff out of the locker where he'd stashed it and buy a ticket home. Or he could head for the bar and hang around there for awhile, hope Josh stopped in to see if he'd waited around. Except if he didn't Jake was just wasting his time, and he wouldn't even know until it was already too late to catch Josh.

He was still trying to decide what to do when he looked up and spotted Josh, practically drowning in a black sweatshirt as he tossed a line to the guy waiting on the dock. When the line was safely tied Josh looked up, frowning in Jake's direction for a second before he grinned. Then he disappeared down the starboard side, and Jake sank back a little so nobody else on the _Cornelia Marie_ crew would spot him and figure out why he was hanging around. There was no telling how long he'd have to wait for them to finish securing the boat, and no telling if Josh would be able to ditch his crew long enough to talk to Jake. But he'd waited around this long, so he figured a little while longer wasn't going to make a difference.

Jake found a more or less inconspicuous spot near the dock house, leaning against a wall and trying his best to look like he wasn't waiting for anything in particular. Not that anybody was looking; now that there was a boat to deal with, all the action was down by the _Cornelia Marie_. The dock workers who'd been milling around all morning were moving fast now, tying up the boat and shouting back and forth to the crew. Jake let out a sigh and let his head drop against the wall behind him. He'd gotten some sleep on the way back into port, but he was still pretty tired, and he didn't fight it when his eyes fluttered closed.

They snapped open again when a hand landed on his arm, and he looked up in time to watch Josh pull him off the wall and push him around the corner to the back of the building. It wasn't exactly private; anybody who was looking hard enough from the parking lot would spot the two of them wedged into the space between the dock office and the tall posts at the end of the dock. But there was nobody around for now, so Jake didn't argue when Josh pushed him back against the wall and kissed him. His fists curled around the front of Jake's jacket, beard scratching Jake's chin and it felt good enough to make Jake forget what a stupid idea this was.

His hands landed on Josh's waist to push up under his sweatshirt, fingers curling around the too-loose waistband of Josh's jeans. They were pretty baggy two months ago, but they were even looser now, and Jake wondered idly just how much weight he'd dropped during the season.

Which was a stupid thing to think about when any second now somebody was going to catch them, and then Jake would never be able to show his face in Dutch again -- maybe not even in Bristol next salmon season. But that didn't stop him from tugging Josh even closer, mouth open under Josh's and breathing hard through his nose. Blood pounded in his ears and rushed to his dick, and it was a good thing he was too tired to do anything about it, because they didn't have that kind of time.

As soon as he thought it Josh pulled back just far enough to press his forehead to Jake's, eyes closed and breathing deep and it was easy to see just how tired he was. "I gotta get back."

"Yeah, I know," Jake said, but he didn't loosen his grip on Josh's jeans.

Josh let go of Jake's jacket and straightened up, and when he reached for his pocket Jake did let go of him. He pulled out a folded piece of paper and held it up, then he tucked it into Jake's pocket and leaned in again. This time the kiss was slow, soft and sort of sweet and when Josh pulled away Jake had to fight hard not to drag him back. A second later he was gone, and Jake waited until he was sure Josh wasn't coming back before he reached into his pocket and pulled out the piece of paper. When he unfolded it he found a phone number scrawled inside, and he grinned as he tucked it back in his pocket and headed for town.

~

It was a big risk, kissing Jake right out in the open when there were dock workers and producers with cameras and his own crew all hanging around. Maybe it was a stupid risk, but as far as Josh was concerned it was worth taking. He'd been thinking about it since it happened, anyway, just like he'd been thinking about the fact that Jake waited around to see him when he could have been long gone before Josh ever made it back to port. It gave him something to think about during the two weeks he spent waiting for Jake to call, and the week after that, before Jake actually showed up at his door.

He didn't worry that Jake wouldn't call. If he'd wanted to take back his offer to come to Seattle all he'd had to do was leave town before the _Cornelia Marie_ got back into port, so when he finally did call and said that he couldn't get away for another week or so, Josh knew he wasn't stalling for time. They both had family obligations; just because Josh fished with his father and brother, it didn't mean there weren't people expecting to see him when he got home.

So he had plenty to keep him busy while he waited for Jake to show up, but that didn't mean he wasn't thinking about it. He hardly thought about anything else, and when he finally opened the door to find Jake standing on the other side, he kind of felt like pinching himself to make sure he was awake. Josh stifled a laugh and swung the door wide, standing aside to let Jake in. He had a bag slung over his shoulder, but as soon as Josh shut the door he dropped it on the floor and let Josh push him back against the wall.

"How long can you stay?" Josh asked between kisses. Even when he pulled back long enough to ask a question he couldn't stop touching, hands moving on Jake's arms and his chest and his hips. Like he was still trying to convince himself Jake was really standing in front of him and not just some crazy hallucination.

"I have to be back on Monday." Jake's hands were already working on Josh's shirt, fingers fumbling with each button as he pressed up to kiss Josh again. Monday...that gave them two days together. Two whole days with no interruptions, and considering the most time they'd spent together up to now was an hour in Josh's hotel room, two days felt like a hell of a lot of time. Only it wasn't, because in two days Jake would leave and Josh wouldn't see him again until Opi season, if he was lucky.

"Guess we better not waste any time, then," Josh said, grinning against Jake's skin when Jake laughed.

He wasn't even sure what they were doing and already it was way too complicated. It was just as crazy as his brother said, but there was no way Josh was going to stop. He let Jake push his shirt down his shoulders and off, letting it hit the floor somewhere near Jake's bag. As soon as his arms were free Jake was tugging his undershirt up, and Josh took the hint and pulled it off too. When he looked at Jake again he was sliding his coat off, baseball cap and coat hitting the floor at the same time. His t-shirt was next, and they still hadn't made it further than the front door of Josh's place.

This was all going a lot faster than he'd figured; not that he'd really had a plan for what happened after Jake showed up, and if he'd thought about it hard enough he would have realized that Jake wouldn't be all that interested in conversation. At least not right now, because they hadn't done more than kiss in months, and that was a long time to build up steam. Not that Jake couldn't blow off steam with somebody else -- maybe someone back home -- but when Jake kissed him it didn't _feel_ like he'd been thinking about doing this with anyone besides Josh.

Josh knew how dumb that would sound if he said it out loud. It sounded pretty dumb in his head, but he couldn't shake the feeling, and he wasn't planning to waste time trying when Jake was standing in his apartment watching him with those big blue eyes. So it would go fast the first time; that was okay with Josh, because they still had two days together. Two days to figure out if this thing was going somewhere, and even though he knew better, Josh couldn't help hoping this was just the start.

He reached out and hooked a finger in the belt loop of Jake's jeans, dragging him forward for another hard kiss. His free hand slid across bare skin to settle at Jake's waist, pushing him backwards in the direction of the bedroom. They shed more clothes as they went, stopping every few paces to kick off a shoe or struggle out of a pair of jeans. By the time he pushed Jake backwards onto his bed they were both naked, and Josh took a moment to admire the view before he reached for the nightstand where he'd set out condoms and lube.

Jake grinned up at him when Josh dropped the lube on the mattress, hands on Josh's thighs and stroking just soft enough to tickle. A shiver ran up Josh's spine as he leaned over Jake to fuse their lips together again, his own hands braced on the mattress on either side of Jake's shoulders. Jake's hands slid up his hips and across his back, fingers digging into the hard flex of Josh's muscles as Jake pressed up into the kiss.

And they'd kissed enough times for Josh to be used to it, but it had never felt like this. It had been intense before, urgent too because when weren't they in a hurry? But Jake had never wrapped his arms around Josh's back before, pulling him close and pushing a hand into his hair and just _holding_ him there. He took his time, like he was committing every second to memory, or maybe just learning what made Josh buck against him or gasp into his mouth or dig his knees hard into the sides of Jake's legs.

Then Jake's hands left his back to fumble on the mattress, and when Josh realized what he was looking for he reached for the lube and pressed it into Jake's hand. "Thanks," Jake said, grinning up at him as he flipped the bottle open and squeezed some lube onto his fingers.

"Don't mention it," Josh murmured against his mouth as he leaned in to kiss Jake again, pushing up to let Jake reach between his legs.

It had been awhile since Josh did this with anybody, but he'd been thinking about it since Jake said he wanted to fuck him. Picturing it and jerking off to the images whenever he thought he could get away with it, and trying not to picture it the rest of the time. He heard the words over and over, _I really wanna fuck you_ in Jake's voice, like he'd been thinking about it for awhile. Maybe as long as Josh had, and that made him want this even more.

A slick finger slid inside him and Josh sucked in a breath, eyes fluttering closed as he pressed back into Jake's hand. It wasn't even close to enough, but Jake was watching him like he'd been picturing exactly this, so he braced his hands on Jake's chest and rocked back into each press of Jake's finger. When a second one joined the first Josh pressed back even harder, picking up his pace until he was panting and fucking himself on Jake's fingers.

"Jesus," Jake murmured underneath him, and Josh opened his eyes to find Jake looking up at him with wide blue eyes. He leaned up to fumble for the condoms he'd dropped on the bed, tearing one open and sliding it down Jake's length. Then he reached for the lube and poured some into his palm, wrapping a slick hand around Jake's cock to stroke a few times. Jake's eyes fluttered, but he managed to keep them open as Josh pushed up onto his knees and lined himself up.

"You ready?" Josh asked, grinning when Jake nodded against the pillow.

"Are you kidding? I've been thinking about this since..." Jake trailed off as Josh sank down onto him, pausing when Jake was halfway inside and pulling off until just the tip of Jake's cock was inside him. "Fuck."

"That's the idea," Josh said, pausing for another beat before he sank down until Jake was buried completely inside him. He lifted up and pressed down again, over and over until he was panting with the effort to keep up with his own rhythm. Jake rocked up into each thrust, hands covering Josh's where they pressed against his chest. Josh spread his fingers until Jake's threaded through his own, gripping tight and pulling until Jake lifted up off the mattress. He leaned in and pressed their lips together, teeth clashing and when Jake laughed the sound vibrated all the way down Josh's spine.

Strong arms wrapped around him again, then Josh was moving backwards. He hit the mattress with a little bounce, flipping onto his stomach and grinding against the sheet as Jake's hands slid up his legs to push his thighs apart. Two fingers slid back inside him, and Josh groaned and pressed back into them. He felt something warm and wet against the base of his spine, and it took a second to figure out that it was Jake's tongue. He worked his way down the cleft of Josh's ass to where his fingers were still buried inside Josh, then back up again to kiss his way up Josh's back. His fingers worked in and out of Josh the whole time, slower than Josh wanted and when he pressed back hard against Jake's hand, Jake leaned over to open his mouth against Josh's neck.

"Jesus, you're hot," Jake whispered against his ear, and Josh laughed and pushed back even harder.

"So fuck me already."

Instantly Jake's fingers disappeared, and Josh grabbed a pillow and pushed it under his hips as Jake knelt between his outstretched thighs. A second later Jake was pushing inside him again, hands braced on the mattress on either side of Josh and setting a brutal pace. It was all Josh could do to keep up with him, and even then he wanted more. His cock rubbed against the pillow with each thrust, almost enough but not quite and he worked a hand under his hips to press hard against his dick. He didn't want to come, not yet, because Jake was stretched out along the length of his back, hips moving in an erratic rhythm so that Josh could never tell when he was going to hit just the right spot.

It surprised a gasp out of him every time Jake hit it, muscles flexing hard around the cock buried inside him. Every time it happened Jake swore under his breath and thrust forward even harder, and Josh wished he could see because he was positive Jake's pale skin was flushed red and his muscles were flexed so hard he was going to ache in the morning. But he'd still be here in Josh's bed, and when they woke up there would be plenty of time to take things slow, to turn Jake on all over again and watch the flush creep up his skin.

"Harder," Josh demanded, pushing back against the body holding him down, and just like that Jake obliged. He found that spot again and hit it over and over, one hand sliding under Josh's chin to twist his head back and kiss him hard. It was a weird angle, but Josh pressed up into the kiss anyway, panting against Jake's mouth and practically lifting them both off the bed with each thrust. He could tell how close Jake was, and he dropped his head between his shoulders and let Jake press back up onto his hands, focusing all his strength on driving in and out of Josh until finally he buried himself as deep as he could and let go.

Josh pressed back to pull Jake even further inside, flexing around his cock as he came. Jake let out a moan and thrust forward one more time, then he pulled out and rolled onto his back next to Josh. Josh lifted up long enough to drag the pillow out from under him, then he flipped over onto his back and wrapped a hand around his own still-hard cock. He stroked hard, fucking his fist as hard as Jake had just fucked him. The tension in the pit of his stomach coiled tighter and tighter, and when a hand pushed between his thighs Josh moaned and spread his legs a little further.

Jake pressed two fingers back inside him, working them in and out in time to Josh's strokes, and that was all it took to push Josh over the edge. He came into the circle of his fist, arching up and tightening around Jake's fingers. When he finally relaxed Jake's fingers were still buried inside him, and he pushed them even further inside as he leaned up to kiss Josh. His tongue pushed past Josh's teeth, fucking Josh's mouth while his fingers worked Josh's too-sensitive ass.

When he couldn't take anymore Josh caught Jake's arm and held it still, his free hand in Jake's hair to pull him back. "You gotta stop for awhile, I can't take anymore."

Jake nodded and pulled his fingers free, and Josh winced at the sensation and swallowed a fresh moan. Soft lips pressed against the corner of his mouth, and Josh turned into the kiss.

"Sorry," Jake murmured, the words hot against Josh's mouth and for a second he wished he hadn't made Jake stop.

"I'm not," Josh answered, grinning when Jake let out a soft laugh. "In fact, any time you want a repeat performance, you know where to find me."

"That an open invitation?"

"Yeah," Josh said, pressing another kiss against Jake's lips. "You don't even have to call first."

~

The plan for the weekend was that there really wasn't a plan, at least not that Jake knew about. He'd said he could stay until Monday, but he'd always known that if things got too weird or too heavy or even just boring, he could take off any time. That was the good thing about staying at somebody else's place; there was no messy drama involved with kicking somebody out, because all he had to do was go home.

Only it was Saturday night already, and he hadn't thought once about going home in the past twenty-four hours. Granted, they hadn't gotten out of bed much in the past twenty-four hours, but they had to eat sometime, so when Josh ordered a pizza Jake pulled on his jeans and followed him out to the kitchen. He took the beer Josh held out for him and leaned against the counter, watching the way Josh's tattoos moved on his skin as he fished around in a drawer for the bottle opener.

When Josh glanced up and caught him looking Jake grinned, shaking his head and reaching for the bottle opener in Josh's hand.

"What?"

"Nothing," Jake answered as he pulled the cap off and set it on the counter behind him. "Guess I just wasn't expecting this to turn into something."

"Is it? Something?" Josh asked, watching Jake over the top of his bottle, and Jake wasn't sure what he was getting at, exactly, but he had a feeling his answer was important.

"Yeah," he said, shrugging and setting his beer down. "I mean I drove all the way down here."

Josh set his beer down next to Jake's and leaned into him, hands on either side of the counter to grin at him up close. "Thought that was because you wanted to fuck me."

It was true, so Jake didn't bother to deny it. But if that had been the only reason, he didn't have to come down for the whole weekend. He didn't have to make a special trip at all; all he had to do was figure out a way to get Josh alone when he was expecting it, and they'd already proved they could do that even during fishing season. He shrugged and slid a hand around the back of Josh's neck, grinning when Josh shivered at the press of cold fingers against his skin. "I already did, and I'm still here."

"Lucky me," Josh said, grinning against Jake's mouth as Jake pulled him in for a kiss. And that was another thing; he didn't just make out with anybody without it going anywhere. He'd never seen the point before, but he'd spent a lot of time just kissing Josh in the past few hours.

When they came up for air Josh pulled back a little, still smiling, but he was looking at the counter behind Jake when he opened his mouth again. "So if I'd let you fuck me that first night, would we be having this conversation right now?"

It took Jake a second to figure out what he meant, but when he realized what Josh was saying his dick stirred in his jeans. He'd wanted to fuck Josh that night, wanted it bad enough to wonder if Josh would go for it even without protection. But he hadn't asked, partly because he wasn't that dumb and partly because they barely knew each other. "You do that a lot?"

Josh shook his head and looked up at Jake again, expression sort of shy, or maybe just nervous. "First time for everything, right?"

"So what makes me so special?"

"I don't know," Josh answered, one hand leaving the counter to catch Jake's hand and thread their fingers together. "Maybe because you fish."

"What, you've never hooked up with another fisherman before?" He wasn't really expecting that; then again, the only guys he ever hung out with were fishermen.

"I've always tried to keep my personal life out of my dad's world, you know?" Josh said, grinning again but he still looked kind of nervous. "Figured it would be easier on him that way. Why, are you fucking some salmon fisherman or something?"

And now Jake got what the nervous look was about. He didn't laugh, but he kind of wanted to, because he didn't even have time for a relationship with Josh, so there was no way he could juggle two guys. "I mean, I _have_ , but right now I'm not fucking anybody but you."

"Yeah? You mean you don't have anybody you hook up with at home?"

"Nah. I stay with my parents when I'm home. Anacortes isn't exactly big, you know? Besides, word gets around pretty fast there, and my folks have it hard enough without me adding to it." Jake looked down at the hand still gripped in his, squeezing just a little. "Why, you got somebody waiting for me to go home?"

"No," Josh said, his free hand landing on Jake's neck. He traced his thumb along the line of Jake's jaw, then under his chin to tilt his head up. "I don't want anybody else."

And just like that they were...dating, Jake figured. Another thing he wasn't really planning on, but he wasn't sorry. He knew it was going to make his life a lot more complicated than it already was, but when Josh leaned in to kiss him he remembered why it was worth it. He slid a hand down Josh's back, fingers splayed across the center of his spine and digging in just enough to let Josh know he felt the same way. He didn't even _know_ he felt that way until Josh said it out loud, but as soon as Josh said he wasn't seeing anybody else Jake felt a surge of something in his chest that he figured must be relief.

Josh pressed another kiss against his lips, pressing his forehead against Jake's for a second before he pulled back and grinned. "Man, I think if I tried to live with Phil again I'd go crazy."

"I'm not there much," Jake said, shrugging as Josh reached around him and picked up his beer again. "Anyway, my sister stays at home too, and I like hanging out with her when I can."

"Yeah? Is it just the two of you?" Josh asked, straightening up and nodding in the direction of the living room before he picked up the pizza that was probably cold by now. Not that Jake minded; he picked up his beer and followed Josh into the living room, claiming the near end of the couch and setting his beer on the coffee table.

"Not even close. I've got five sisters, all older. Guess they kept trying until they had a boy."

Josh grinned at that and set the pizza down on the table, flipping the box open and setting down his own beer. "There's eight of us. I've got five sisters too, and another brother, besides Jake."

"Must get pretty crowded at Christmas."

"Not much more crowded than your place," Josh answered, grinning at him over a slice of pizza. He launched into a story about one of his sisters between bites, and Jake leaned back and listened to him talk. He knew Josh was close to his family just by watching him and his brother, but listening to him talk about them reminded Jake of the way he felt about his own sisters. It was kind of nice, spending time with somebody who understood why Jake's family was so important to him. It wouldn't make going back to his family on Monday any easier, but at least he knew Josh wasn't going to hassle him about it. The problem was that spending time with his family meant he wouldn't see Josh again for over a month, and he could already tell that was going to be way too long.

~

Josh was in his father's kitchen when his phone rang. For the past twenty minutes he'd been listening to two of his sisters argue about whether or not Phil should be going back to Dutch for Opi season, like they actually got a vote. Nobody got a vote; Phil was the captain, and whether or not he took a season off was his call. Considering it had never happened before, Josh was pretty sure Phil wasn't going to stay home just because a couple of his kids were worried about him. And okay, Josh was worried too, but he knew better than to think telling Phil that would make any difference. He said it anyway, but he knew it wouldn't convince Phil to take some time off.

He glanced down at his phone, his stomach doing a weird little tap dance when he saw Jake's name on the screen. Josh flipped the phone open and pushed his chair back, pulling the back door open and stepping out into the cold December air. "Hello?"

"Hey. It's Jake. Anderson."

Josh grinned and fished his smokes out of his pocket, tucking one between his lips and reaching for his lighter. "I know," he said once he lit his cigarette, exhaling a white cloud of smoke into the winter air. "Wasn't expecting to hear from you before Opis."

"Yeah, that's why I called. You guys have any idea when you're headed back up yet?"

He glanced toward the door that led to the kitchen and pushed off the side of the house, heading further into the back yard where nobody would overhear him. "I'm not sure. Probably a couple days before the season starts. Phil likes to get up there before the stores all sell out of Red Bull."

Jake laughed on the other end of the line, and Josh closed his eyes for a second and pictured big blue eyes and that grin that made him look a lot younger than he was. He pictured Jake asleep in his bed, sprawled on the mattress with the sheet riding low across his back and long eyelashes fluttering against his cheeks. And he knew he was in way over his head, because he hadn't stopped thinking about Jake since he went back to Anacortes. He hadn't seen much of his friends since he'd been home, but the few times they'd hung out they spent the entire time making fun of what they called his 'dopey grin' every time somebody brought up Jake. They all called him 'the boyfriend', and after awhile Josh just stopped denying it. He told himself there was no point in arguing, but the truth was he sort of liked the sound of it.

"Why, when are you going up?" Josh asked. "Sig never shows up until the last minute, right?"

"Yeah, but if you're gonna be around, I could come up early. Your dad's gotta give you a break some time, right?"

"I think I could find some time," Josh said, ignoring the way his stomach fluttered at the thought of Jake going up to Dutch early just to see him. "Where are you gonna stay, on the _Northwestern_?"

"I could get a room at the Unisea. The bunkhouse is cheaper, but there's too many guys there who know us. You think your brother would cover for you for a night?"

"Yeah," Josh answered. He didn't even have to think about it; there was no way he was turning down an invitation to spend another night with Jake, even if it was kind of a risk. He didn't worry about Phil putting two and two together, but if someone saw them together and it got back to Sig, Josh wasn't sure what would happen. He hoped Sig would be cool -- sometimes he almost believed it, even -- but there was no way to know until it happened. "Yeah, he'll cover for me. You sure you want to risk it? Edgar gets to town before Sig."

For a second Jake didn't answer, and Josh wanted to kick his own ass for trying to talk him out of it. But he didn't want to be the reason Jake lost his job, either, so he didn't try to take it back. But when Jake started talking again, it wasn't to say that Josh was right and they should just forget it, and Josh swallowed hard against a rush of relief that made his knees buckle.

"It's worth it," Jake said, and something about the way he said it sent a thrill of anticipation straight to Josh's dick. "Besides, you were the one who said we had to start planning better, right? So shut up and meet me on Sunday."

Josh laughed and dropped his cigarette on the ground, crushing it with his heel. "Giving orders now, huh? You practicing to be a captain?"

He could picture Jake's grin on the other end of the line, and he clamped down hard on the urge to say something stupid like _I miss you_. It was true, and he was pretty sure now that Jake had called that he wasn't alone. But that didn't mean he was going to start saying that stuff, at least not before he knew for sure what they were doing.

"Whatever works. I just want to see you," Jake said, and for a second Josh thought maybe he'd imagined it. Because that was pretty much as good as _I miss you_ , and he definitely hadn't been expecting to hear that. He knew he was grinning like an idiot, freezing his ass off outside in the dead of winter and wishing Opi season would hurry up and start already.

"Yeah, me too," he said when he found his voice again. "So I'll see you in a couple weeks."

"You better."

When he hung up Josh listened to the dial tone for a long time before he finally closed his phone. He was freezing and he knew eventually somebody would miss him and come looking, but he couldn't go back inside until he managed to wipe the grin off his face. So he might still be standing in his father's back yard when it was time to leave for Dutch, because he had a feeling he wasn't going to stop smiling until he saw Jake again.

~

Josh was right; this was a big risk. But Jake meant it when he said it was worth it, because this was probably the only chance they'd get to be alone until after Opis, and once salmon season started Jake would have even less time. There were the events the show planned all summer long, sure, and he'd already heard something about filming for After the Catch at some point. So they'd see each other, but there was no guarantee they'd get a chance to do more than say hi.

It wasn't just the sex. Jake hadn't really thought about it before he followed Josh back to his room that first time, but it turned out they had a lot in common. They had a good time just hanging out, anyway, and Josh didn't complain about how much Jake worked. This was what having a boyfriend was like, he guessed, not that he'd ever bothered with relationships before. So he wasn't exactly sure how it worked, but he liked Josh enough to try to figure it out.

And okay, the sex was part of it, Jake thought as warm, wet hands landed on his hips and pushed him back against the shower tile. The cold tile made him shiver, but before he got around to complaining a warm body pressed up against him and he forgot all about the cold on his back. Josh's body mostly blocked the shower spray, but Jake didn't care because Josh was warm and his mouth was moving on Jake's neck, teeth grazing his skin and Jake didn't even care if he left a mark. It was easy enough to keep it covered for awhile, considering the weather, and he kind of liked the idea of having a reminder to take with him out on the water.

Then Josh's mouth left his neck, trailing hot kisses along his jaw until he reached Jake's mouth. Jake's lips parted to let him in, and he inhaled the scent of cheap motel soap and Josh as he slid his hands up Josh's back. His fingers traced the pattern of a tattoo he couldn't see but already had memorized, across Josh's shoulders and along his biceps to the two matching tattoos that Josh swore were different, but looked exactly the same to Jake.

This was the first time he'd shared a shower with anybody. It didn't work that well, because he was too short and Josh was too tall, and somebody was always out of the water. His neck was going to be sore from leaning up to kiss Josh while they were both standing, and it was probably kind of stupid to work this hard when there was an empty bed in the next room. But they both knew Josh had to leave soon, and it wasn't like Jake could hang around all that much longer, so neither one of them wanted to waste even the time it took to shower.

Josh's hands ran down his arms to close around Jake's and pull them away from his skin. Jake felt his arms being stretched over his head, Josh's fingers threaded together with his and pressing them against the tile above him. It felt kind of weird, like being on display or something, and when Jake looked at him Josh was just...looking, like he'd never seen Jake before. Like they hadn't just spent the past twelve hours messing up the sheets in the next room, getting a head start on the sleep deprivation that would last the next six weeks or so. And that was worth it too, so if Josh just wanted to stare at him for awhile, Jake wasn't going to argue.

"How pissed is your dad gonna be when you get back?" Jake asked, mostly just to break the heavy silence. Josh squeezed Jake's fingers and pressed one hand against his wrists, keeping his arms above his head while he slid his other hand down the length of Jake's arm.

"He'll bitch about me taking off without saying anything," Josh answered, eyes on his own fingers as he retraced his path back up to Jake's hands. "If I tell him where I was he'll shut up pretty fast, though. He doesn't like to think about it much."

"Phil knows about this?" Jake didn't bother to hide his surprise; it was one thing for Josh's brother to figure it out, but Phil was a captain. Jake didn't work for him, sure, but Phil was respected in Dutch and that meant his opinion mattered. If Phil didn't like Jake sleeping with his son, it could make a difference in Jake's career, even if he never said anything about it.

"I didn't tell him about us yet," he said, gaze still glued on the tile above Jake's head. "He knows I'm gay, though. Why, would you be mad if I told him I was with you last night?"

Josh looked down at him then, hand sliding back down Jake's arm to his shoulder this time, then across his collarbone and up his neck. His thumb traced the line of Jake's jaw, still just looking but it felt different all of a sudden. Like Josh could see right inside him, or maybe like the question he was really asking wasn't the one he'd said out loud.

"Depends. Would he hate me if he found out about us?"

Josh laughed at that and let go of Jake's wrists, catching one of his hands and threading their fingers together again. He let Jake pull their hands back down the tile to rest just next to his shoulder, thumb still moving on Jake's jaw. "I doubt it. He wouldn't think much of your taste, maybe, but he wouldn't say anything to Sig, if that's what you're worried about."

That was only part of it, but Jake figured that was good enough for now. It was Josh's dad, after all, and he should know if it was safe to tell him they were together. Besides, he already knew about Josh and it didn't seem like he cared, so maybe Phil wouldn't assume Jake couldn't do his job just because he happened to be into guys. Into _Josh_ , and it was weird to wonder if somebody's dad was going to think Jake was good enough for his son. Jake laughed and reached up to catch Josh's other hand, pulling it away from his face and pressing forward to kiss him hard.

"Water's getting cold," Josh said when they came up for air. He reached behind him to turn off the spray, then he pulled Jake away from the wall and out of the tub. Drying off and getting dressed meant they were that much closer to saying goodbye, maybe for the rest of the season, and Jake wasn't looking forward to that. But they might end up in St. Paul or even Dutch at the same time, and even the chance of seeing Josh long enough to see that he was okay was something to look forward to.

It was pretty weird, having a boyfriend. It meant having somebody to worry about besides himself and his crew, someone he couldn't see all the time to know that he was doing all right. Truth was it was a little scary, but Jake was starting to think he could get used to it.

~

After King Crab season ended, it seemed like the entire fleet breathed a sigh of relief. They all knew better than to say it out loud, but every one of them probably thought the same thing Josh did: _at least Opis can't be any worse_. Turned out even thinking it was enough to jinx them, though, and at this point Josh was just hoping they'd all make it home alive.

The season hadn't started out great or anything; the boat was broken more than it wasn't, and all the emergency trips into town meant they weren't out filling their quota, which meant their season would be even longer than they expected. It was frustrating, sure, but Josh hadn't let it bother him that much, mostly because he had plenty to think about during all their downtime. The trips back and forth from town meant plenty of time to catch up on mindless tasks around the boat, and while Josh was doing stuff he didn't have to think about, he could let his mind wander to Jake.

He tried not to think too much about the last time they saw each other, because he couldn't think about it without getting hard, and sooner or later someone was going to notice. But just thinking about the fact that they were officially a 'them' made him grin like an idiot, so eventually someone was going to notice anyway.

He came pretty close to telling Phil. The second time they had to head in for repairs, when Phil was stressed and still feeling lousy and Josh couldn't wipe the stupid grin off his face, his father accused him of never taking anything seriously. "Jesus, Josh," he'd said around the cigarette hanging out of his mouth, "everything's a joke to you. When are you going to grow up and start taking things seriously? You're not a kid anymore."

Five minutes into the lecture he'd started coughing again, and when he finally quit, Josh could tell he didn't even have the energy to fight. Which was the worst part, because Phil never backed down from a fight, no matter how stupid it was. None of them did; it was the whole reason everyone thought of the Harrises as some of the most stubborn idiots on the Sea. This time, though, he'd just sighed and said, "Jesus, when I was your age I already had a family."

Josh knew what he was saying. By the time Phil was in his twenties he'd had people depending on him, and as far as he was concerned, Josh didn't have any responsibilities at all. And maybe he didn't have the same responsibilities that his father had at his age, but that didn't mean he didn't take things seriously. He wanted to tell Phil that he took his job seriously, and he took his father's health seriously, and he definitely took this thing with Jake seriously. But he didn't say any of that, because he didn't want to be the last straw that pushed his old man over the edge and into the hospital.

So for the first time in his life he'd let it go without a fight, and the joke was on him, because now Phil was in the hospital anyway. They'd practically had to mutiny to get him to go get checked out, and by the time he was sick enough to back down from that fight Josh was more scared than he'd ever been. Scared that he'd never see his father again, that he'd never get a chance to tell him about Jake and watch him make that face he always made when the subject of Josh's love life came up.

His laugh caught against the lump in his throat, and he reached for the cup of coffee that had gone cold at least an hour ago and forced himself to swallow a bitter mouthful. He winced at the sting of swallowing against the tightness in his throat, setting the mug down and reaching for his smokes instead. When he finished lighting a cigarette he looked up, blinking at the sight of Murray standing in the middle of the wheelhouse, glasses kind of crooked and his hair standing up at crazy angles.

"You're supposed to be getting some sleep," Josh said. "No offense, man, but you look like shit."

Murray laughed softly and reached out to pat Josh on the shoulder. "I guess we all look a little worse for the wear right now. Why don't you go get some rest? I'll take the rest of your shift."

"Won't be able to sleep anyway," Josh said, exhaling a cloud of smoke as he glanced at the radar.

"You should try." Murray was using his 'dad' voice, the one he only broke out when he was about to say something he thought might upset them. And Josh wasn't sure why, but right now that kind of made him want to cry too. "Running yourself into the ground isn't going to help your dad, Josh."

"What if I made it worse, when I wrapped him up?" Josh said, glancing up at Murray and just for a second he felt like he was about fifteen again. "I mean yeah, he asked me to, but he's the one who didn't want to go to the doctor in the first place."

Murray shrugged and glanced out the window at the waves crashing over the bow, watching the boat sway back and forth for a few beats before he answered. "What if that's the thing that saved him? You can't blame yourself for any of this, Josh. We all know the risks when we sign on for this job. It's just a little harder when it's happening to somebody you love."

He knew Murray was right; even if wrapping Phil's injury made whatever was going on in his lungs worse, it wasn't Josh's fault. It wasn't anybody's fault, not even Phil's. And that was the hardest part, because there was no guarantee Phil was going to make it through this, and there wasn't even anyone to blame.

"Come on, out of the chair," Murray said, pushing Josh out of the chair Murray installed in place of Phil's chair and giving him a gentle shove toward the stairs.

"Okay, okay," Josh said, ducking around Murray and settling into the chair on the other side of the wheelhouse. "I'll keep you company. Can't have you falling asleep on my watch."

Murray rolled his eyes but didn't argue with him. There was no point; Josh wasn't going to get any sleep until they got some news about Phil, no matter how exhausted he was. His eyes were pretty tired, though, so he leaned his head back and let them fall closed. He focused on the gentle back and forth of the boat, and the next time Murray looked over at him, he was fast asleep.

~

Opi season was rough. Between the long hours and the ice, if something could go wrong, it did. Jake had been through it before, so he knew what to expect. Knowing didn't make it any less exhausting, though, and after he heard about Phil there was that to worry about on top of worrying about staying awake long enough to do his job. All he knew was what Sig had heard over the radio: Phil was coughing up blood, and finally it got bad enough to send him to the hospital.

Jake hadn't been a crab fisherman for that long, but he'd worked the salmon boats long enough to know that it took a pretty major medical emergency to make a captain leave his ship in the middle of the season. Hell, it took a pretty big emergency for any crew member worth his salt to leave during a haul, so for Phil to go in right in the middle of Opis, things must be pretty serious. Then again, coughing up blood was pretty serious no matter who you were.

Later they heard that Phil wasn't coming back at all, but nobody knew what was wrong with him, and pretending he didn't want to ask a million questions no one knew the answers to was just as tiring as fishing. The only thing he didn't even have to ask was whether or not the rest of Phil's crew finished the season. Of course they finished the season; they still had a quota to fill, and hanging around the hospital waiting for news about their dad wasn't going to make anybody any money. But Jake was pretty sure Josh's head wasn't a hundred percent in the game, which meant the deck was an even more dangerous place for him to be. So he was as glad as everyone else when Opi season ended, but this season he was glad for different reasons than everybody else.

Josh could handle himself, Jake was pretty sure. He and his brother had a reputation for being reliable fishermen even though they were captain's kids, and if the rest of their crew hated working with them he would have heard. The fleet wasn't that big, and word had a way of getting around up here. So he knew Josh could handle it, but Jake still felt a lot better when he heard the _Cornelia Marie_ was safely back in port. He hadn't run into Josh so he could see with his own eyes that he was okay, and that sucked, sure, but it wasn't like he'd been expecting Josh to wait around for him, considering.

They'd gotten some sleep on the way back into port, but the offload was pretty tiring after a full season of fishing, and Jake stifled a yawn as he walked into the tiny airport and headed for the ticket counter. He bought a one-way ticket for Seatac and headed for the only waiting area in the place, dropping into a chair near the door that passed for a gate and setting his bag down on the floor next to him.

 

Usually it didn't bother him that there was no cell service in Unalaska; he'd worked in Bristol practically his whole life, and he was used to being isolated from most of the world. But for the first time he had somebody to call, and even if Josh couldn't talk, it would have been nice to hear his voice. Jake sighed and rubbed a hand over his face, lifting his cap to run a hand through his hair before he tugged it back down again. He leaned back in the chair and closed his eyes, arms crossed over his chest and trying to find a comfortable enough position to get a little more sleep.

He wasn't sure how long he'd been sitting there when somebody sat down beside him, but when he felt the air shift on his right side, he opened his eyes and looked over to find Josh sitting next to him. For a second he wondered if maybe he was dreaming, but Josh looked worn out and his eyes were red like he'd spent a lot of time rubbing them in the past few days. Jake sat up, leaning into Josh just a little before he realized what he was doing and stopped himself.

"Hey."

"Hey," Josh said, and he sounded even more beat than he looked. "Figured you'd be gone already."

"We just finished offloading a few hours ago. How's your dad?"

Josh shrugged and looked down at the floor, hands clasped in front of him and his elbows resting on his knees and it was weird, sitting next to him but not being able to touch. "I don't know much yet. He had a blood clot and it almost killed him. That's pretty much all I know."

"Oh." Jake glanced over his shoulder, searching the small waiting area for any sign of Josh's brother. He was nowhere that Jake could see, though, and he hoped it would stay that way, at least for a few more minutes. "He's gonna be okay, though, right?"

"I don't know. I hope so," Josh answered. He let out a sigh and rested a hand on the back of his neck, rubbing at what Jake guessed was a lot of tension.

"Are _you_ okay?"

Josh looked up at the sound of his voice, and the look on his face told Jake he was anything but okay. "I just...he keeps talking about how he might not be able to fish again. I mean, I figured he'd die out there someday, but not like that, you know?"

He sniffed and looked away again, scrubbing his eyes hard with the heels of his palms. And Jake got it, but he didn't know what to say to make Josh feel better. There wasn't much he could say, not when Josh's dad was still sick and they still didn't know what was going to happen. He hadn't thought about this conversation; truth was, he hadn't even thought about what would happen if he ran into Josh, because he'd never counted on seeing him after the season was over. Usually they drove up to Dutch, and he just figured they'd drive home too. So finding him in the airport was weird enough, but sitting next to him trying to think of something to say that wouldn't sound totally stupid was more than he could handle.

Before he thought of an answer he heard somebody behind them, and when Jake looked up he saw Josh's brother headed their way. Murray was right behind him, and when Jake saw him he knew there was no chance of getting Josh's brother to switch seats with him. He didn't even know he'd been thinking about it until that second, but the mixture of disappointment and relief that shot through him left him feeling a little queasy.

"Hey, Jake," Murray said, taking a seat across from them. Jake Harris sat down next to him, glancing at his brother before he looked at Jake and gave him a quick wave. And now this whole thing was _really_ weird, because they couldn't even talk all that much with other people around. They weren't supposed to know each other more than to say hi, and it was one thing for Josh's family to know about them, but Jake was pretty sure that didn't go for the rest of their crew.

Then Murray asked him about the _Northwestern's_ season, trading fishing stories while Josh and his brother listened and interjected comments about the guys they'd gotten to fill in while Phil was gone. Talking about fishing made the whole situation a lot less awkward, but Jake was still glad when the flight attendant came over the intercom to call their flight. He took his time picking up his bag, letting the rest of them get ahead of him in line. It was a pretty small plane, but his seat was toward the back and when he saw where Murray stopped, he knew they weren't going to be anywhere near each other.

Which was probably good, because if Josh kept looking at him with those sad eyes Jake was going to do something stupid, and then things would be way beyond weird. He waved and headed toward his seat, shoving his bag in the compartment above him before he slid over to the window and buckled himself in. He was way in the back near the bathrooms, which meant people walking past him for the entire flight. Not that it mattered, because he wasn't going to get any sleep.

Jake tried to close his eyes, but they wouldn't stay shut long enough to get any rest. He kept looking toward the front of the plane, staring down the empty aisle and telling himself he wasn't expecting anything. He could almost believe it, too, until he looked again and saw Josh headed toward him. When he reached Jake's aisle he looked back to make sure nobody they knew was watching, then he dropped into the seat next to Jake.

"Listen, I know this is all kind of weird," Josh said, and Jake didn't try to deny it. "I just need to find out what's going on with my dad."

"Yeah, I know." It was true; Jake got it, just like he got why they had to be careful, even once the cameras were off. "Give me a call, okay? Let me know how he's doing."

"Yeah, okay," Josh answered, finally relaxing a little and Jake knew it was just because he'd let Josh off the hook, but it still made him feel a little better to know he was the one who made it happen. Josh glanced down the aisle again before he reached out, resting a hand on Jake's thigh and squeezing. "Thanks."

Then he was gone, and Jake swallowed a sigh and turned to stare at the clouds outside the window.

~

The show made them reenact the whole conversation for the cameras. It was pretty stupid, weird and awkward and Josh just kept his mouth shut, mostly, because he could hear how fake his brother sounded, and he knew if he said anything he wouldn't do any better. So they just walked past the cameras and let Phil talk about what the doctors said, telling them stuff they'd already heard about how he wasn't sure if he'd be going back to fishing, and how he trusted them to handle it without him.

He didn't mind hearing that part again. Earning his father's respect was important to Josh, and it was nice to know Phil trusted him to get the job done after just two full seasons. That didn't mean Josh wanted to go through another season without his dad at the helm, but he knew that was probably how it was going to play out. Once Phil sat them both down and told them exactly what happened and what the doctors were still worried about, Josh just assumed they'd be fishing without him next year.

Still, it was a long way off, and Josh was planning to do whatever it took to make sure Phil took care of himself until then. They made him say that on camera too, and by the time they finished with all the interviews and the producers finally wrapped, the entire day was pretty much shot. "About time," he muttered as they climbed into his father's truck and headed for home.

Phil rolled his eyes and pulled into traffic, glancing over at Josh once he was on the road. "Like you've got anything better to do."

"I need to make a phone call." Josh pulled his phone out of his pocket as he said it and checked the screen for messages. He'd been home for more than a week, and he knew he should have called Jake already. He'd started to at least a dozen times, but every time he thought of some reason to put it off again. At first it was because he was waiting to see what the doctor said at his dad's next appointment, then his friends dragged him out to catch up, then there was a camera crew following them around again.

But he could have found the time to call Jake if he'd tried, and he knew the longer he waited, the weirder it was going to be. And that was the whole problem, because the way they'd left things had been weird. The last time he saw Jake was in the SeaTac airport after their flight landed, when Murray chased him down and offered him a lift. Jake smiled and thanked him and shook his head, gestured toward the exit where he said his dad was waiting. He looked past Murray and caught Josh's eye, lifting his hand to wave goodbye, and then he was gone.

Not that there was much else he could do, considering. Murray was family, sure, and Josh thought he'd be cool about it if he knew, but he wasn't going to make that call. Not without talking to his dad first, and that meant telling his dad about him and Jake. So Josh had just let him walk away, and once he was home and he'd seen his dad, the whole thing just felt kind of strange. Like calling Jake and talking to him about Phil made things way heavier than they needed to be -- than they should be, maybe, considering they still didn't know each other all that well. But Jake had asked how he was doing, and he'd told Josh to call, so that meant he wanted to hear all that stuff, right?

"Who have you got to call? Your degenerate friends?" Phil said, and Josh flushed and shoved the phone back in his pocket. He thought about saying yes, that they'd talked about going out and he needed to find out what the plan was. But he was going to have to tell Phil eventually, and lying about it again would just make it even harder the next time he got the chance.

"No," he said, gaze trained on the road so he wouldn't have to see his father's expression. "I need to call Jake Anderson."

"Who?"

Josh did venture a glance at him then, and when he saw his father frowning at the road Josh couldn't help grinning.

"Jake Anderson. From the _Northwestern_. I told him I'd call him and tell him how you're doing. He asked about you."

"When'd you talk to him?" Phil asked, eyes leaving the road long enough to look at Josh, and he couldn't tell if Phil had figured it out already. His brother hadn't said a word, but Josh could _feel_ him breathing on his right side, shoulder tense against Josh's as they both waited for their old man to put two and two together.

"We were on the same flight back to Seattle," Josh said. "He lives in Anacortes during the off-season."

"Since when do you even know him?" Not looking at Josh this time, but he was frowning again and Josh wasn't sure whether or not he imagined the way Phil's hand tightened on the steering wheel.

"What, I can't be friends with the guy?" Josh asked, heard the laugh his brother tried to stifle and okay, it was kind of funny if he thought about it. If Phil heard it he didn't say; he didn't say anything for a few seconds, and as the silence dragged out Josh figured maybe that was the end of the conversation. But he should have known better, because his father had never let him have the last word in anything if he could help it.

"You can be friends with whoever you want," Phil said, shrugging like it was no big deal, but Josh had known him his whole life, and he could hear the resignation in his voice. "He's better than those losers you hang around with here, at least."

Maybe that was the closest they were going to come to having this particular conversation. Maybe Josh would never have to say "I'm dating Jake Anderson" or "I don't know how it happened, but I think I love him". But his father got what he was saying, and he didn't look like he was going to stroke out or anything, so Josh figured it was a win. He grinned and fished his phone out of his pocket again, heart picking up speed as Phil finally pulled onto his street.

~

Jake leaned hard on the doorbell, bouncing a little on his heels and glancing back toward the parking lot while he waited. When the door didn't open right away he rang again, raising his hand to knock too, just in case. Before he made contact with the door it swung open, and Jake grinned at the sight of Josh smirking at him.

"Hey."

"Took you long enough," Jake said, still grinning as he let Josh pull him into the apartment and close the door. He knew where he was going this time, so he followed Josh down the hall to the bedroom and dropped his bag at the end of the bed. When he looked up again Josh was standing in the middle of the room watching him, hand on the back of his neck and looking sort of nervous. Like he didn't know how this was going to go, even after all this time.

Jake shook his head and crossed the room, then he closed his fist around Josh's shirt and dragged him forward. Josh's arms slid around his waist as Jake stretched up to kiss him, the hand on his shirt flattening over the center of his chest and the other one sliding around the back of Josh's neck. He could feel Josh's heart beating fast, maybe because he was kissing Jake back like he thought he'd never get another chance.

"I was starting to think you weren't gonna call," Jake said, burying his face in Josh's shoulder to breathe in the scents of shampoo and cigarette smoke. He breathed in hard and pressed a little closer, smiling against Josh's t-shirt when the arms around his waist tightened.

Josh nodded and slid his hands up Jake's back, all the way to his shoulders and back down again before he answered. "It's been pretty weird around here since I got back."

He'd told Jake about the filming when he called, about Phil and all the stuff that had been going on. Jake didn't need to hear it all again, because Josh did call eventually, and that was the only thing he cared about. "Yeah, I know. Is Phil still doing okay?"

Josh shrugged and pulled back to look at him, but he didn't let go. And it was nice, being able to touch Josh without having to worry about how much time they had left. Even when he visited Josh the first time he only had a couple days, and they both spent most of it counting down.

"He's hanging in there," Josh answered. His hands were still moving on Jake's back, catching the hem of his shirt every so often and dipping under it to slide his fingers along bare skin. "Taking it one day at a time, you know?"

Jake nodded and turned his head until his mouth was pressed against Josh's neck. He parted his lips to press a kiss against Josh's skin, then again, all the way up to Josh's earlobe. His tongue slid along the curve of Josh's ear, and when he felt Josh shudder against him he pulled back a little. "Guess that's all you can do."

Josh nodded and leaned down to meet him, pressing a soft kiss against his lips. "How long can you stay?"

They hadn't talked about this part on the phone; mostly Jake was just relieved that Josh wanted to see him, so he didn't worry about specifics. He didn't even tell his folks what his plans were, just said he was going to visit a friend and he'd call to check in. "I have to be in Bristol at the beginning of June."

"Yeah?" Josh said, leaning back far enough to get a good look at him. Like maybe he thought Jake was just messing with him, and any second now he was going to laugh and say that he could stay a few days before he headed back home. And sure, he missed his family when he wasn't home, but he missed Josh when he wasn't here, and once salmon season started it was going to be a lot harder to see him.

"Yeah," he said, grinning at Josh's expression. "I mean, if you've got stuff going on I can get out of your way..."

"I don't have anything going on," Josh interrupted. He surged forward again to swallow Jake's laugh with another kiss. Harder this time, hands sliding under Jake's shirt and pressing flat against his back. Jake inhaled hard through his nose and gripped Josh's hips, steering him backwards until Josh's legs collided with the mattress. He sat down hard, leaning back on his hands to watch Jake pull his shirt over his head and toss it on the floor.

"I sprained my back during Opis," Josh said, grinning up at Jake as he kicked his shoes off. "You're gonna have to be gentle with me."

"No problem," Jake answered as he planted one knee next to Josh's thigh. He gripped Josh's shoulders and pushed him backwards, straddling Josh's thighs and climbing over him to kiss him again. "No problem at all."


End file.
